https://developer.apple.com/app-store/review/guidelines/#in-...
As far as I know you can't do that on iOS. There's also nothing stopping the devs from selling IAP themselves on their own website. So no, Steam is much much more open than Apple's App store. Not to mention the fact that Steam is completely optional and the App store is not.
Not at scale, no, but you can generate promo codes (up to a limit - maybe 100?) to distribute your paid app for free.
If the App Store could be circumvented as easily, Spotify probably wouldn't be raising this issue to begin with.
You can upgrade to Spotify Premium through a website which they advertise during their free tier ads.
Apple doesn't allow that apparently.
epic is not the saviour here, they're dumping cash to bring shitty console practices to the pc ecosystem, namely storefront exclusives