Part of that idea for conversing without 'uh/uhm' came from employee-to-employee advice I read somewhere about preparing memos for meetings with Jeff Bezos at Amazon. It was something along the lines of: have all your facts and answers ready but don't put everything in the memo; economize the information you put to paper down to what's essential, so he doesn't waste time reading more than he needs to and has questions to ask, but make sure you have the answers ready.
That same advice can be adapted to conversation. Figure out how to communicate one discrete idea, but don't try to answer every concern/question the listener might have before they ask about it, even if you have those answers ready or are thinking about them as you talk. Let the other person speak and engage with the idea, then answer the questions they do ask. If you come to an 'uh/uhm' point in your own words, the other person probably has a question/concern/thought already (and it might not be the one you're about to 'uhm' into).
They recite some of the time, but most their overall speech is improvised. Generally, people in these kinds of roles are pretty good at that too.
> In this case, the comment is both contradictory and harmful. Literally no one learning or teaching communication says that "uh" and "um" are good habits.
It depends on how meta you want to get. As a beginner learning how to give speeches, you work to expunge these kinds of "filler" words. However, at "expert level" you might use these words to seem more "authentic", and/or to appear as if you're forming thoughts for the first time.
It depends on the audience and what you're trying to communicate, which goes beyond what you say to how you say it.
"There is strong empirical evidence that speakers use formulaic language in similar ways across languages and that formulaic language plays a fundamental role in the structuring of spontaneous speech, as they are used to achieve a better synchronization between interlocutors by announcing upcoming topic changes, delays related to planning load or preparedness problems, as well as speaker's intentions to take/give the floor or to revise/abandon an expression he/she had already presented."
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Formulaic_language (citing a 2007 study)
In conversation, formulaic language can help you seem more relatable to other people. Think of Indiana Jones, the beloved hero who often used formulaic language to express himself, as compared with the villains, who barely varied from perfectly formed sentences. You can see the same pattern in countless stories because the writers target an audience that feels more comfortable with people who talk that way.
Beyond the first volley of a conversation, I don't think I could do this while really listening to the other person.
I have a little theory about interruptions. Humans are a social animal and people tend to listen very carefully to apes higher up on the social ladder. Grunts don't interrupt generals. Peasants don't interrupt the president. Hence, if you are being interrupted when silent, it is information to you that the person who interrupts you think you are lower on the social ladder than they are.
More important, however, is that you, by ignoring interruptions, are saying to the listener that you are equal on the social ladder and expect to be listened to. There are many ways to handle interruptions. If you are presenting to a group, one way to do it is to simply back up a few seconds and keep talking where you were at the interruption. Search will give you more tools. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JSWVAUqqQ6Q
So, be silent, demand respect from the listener, and stand your ground.
Guess I don't talk fast enough to eliminate them.
You: "So I was thinking..."
Person on the other end: "Hello!?"
For some reason, this has always irrationally irritated more than it should.
For instance, a subordinate will want to make sure he can get in all his thoughts with his boss by making sure he can fill a gap of silence while he’s thinking. A boss has no such problem - when he talks people listen. Well they better.