Software engineers aren't thugs, you're right that they're often soft-spoken and polite -- but they also do not have a history of respecting tradition and laws they view burdensome.
For example, look at the startups, Uber and AirBnb started by explicitly violating laws. Uber has even demonstrated, again and again, contempt for the law.
Then look at the founder-types: Thiel, Gates, Zuckerberg, Jobs, Ellison, etc... They're often anti-social and on the asperger's spectrum. They disregard convention. Violate laws as need be. And can be ruthlessly individualistic/libertarian. Read Thiel's book "Zero to One" or watch the documentary "all watched over by machines of loving grace" for more on this topic.
Look at the stories and discussions posted on this site -- they're often against the grain. There seems to be a keen interest in drugs: psychedelics, MDMA, Ketamine ("as a treatment for depression"), and nootropics ("productivity!"). The libertarians here relish in cryptocurrencies. And there's a prevailing anti-union, anti-socialist, and even anti-SJW attitude: the population here seems to be bright, if isolated, individualistic and perhaps mildly autistic males.
Paul Graham's essays aren't conventional. And other leaders in this domain, such as Naval Ravikant, rail against the "overton window".