Ask HN: How do you deal with people? | Hacker News Reader

Ask HN: How do you deal with people?

4 pointslainon6 comments

I'm talking about the average joe. How do you deal with them? I try to avoid contact to them as much as possible, but you're often forced to interact with them. What is your way of making the inter-personal stuff for both as pleasant as possible?

View on HN

I don't know where you come from and what your background is, but where I live, contact to the (average) people is not that bad. It turns out that my inner emotional state has the most impact on my ability on interacting with people. If I'm in a good mood, I can be charming, curious and cheerful. If I'm irritated... not so much. So I suggest to first keep yourself in a good mood. In my case, sleep is my most important mood factor. Second, you can try a bunch of tricks like smiling, genuinely listening, asking curious questions. Humor and irony can help to ease the conversation, sarcasm to round somebody. I think your basic idea to make it for both as pleasant as possible, is on the right track. It just needs a little training in both introspective and empathy. Also, instead to indulge yourself in avoidance behavior, try to open up and confront yourself with people. It won't get better without practice.

Wow, are you better than them?

Try giving the book "how to win friends and influence people" a read. And maybe find some humility or try living with the less privileged.

Know of that book, don't think highly about it because I don't want to befriend said people. I act humane all the time.

It depends on your reason for interacting with them; what are you trying to gain from the conversation? Are you being pressured by friends? Is it work related? Are you trying to solicit something from them? Do you want them to like you or hate you? The most efficient approach would be to optimize for the desired outcome of your encounter.

I'm talking about career related stuff. You can't go up the hill without interacting with various persons.

Like another comment on this thread, I'd have to recommend Dale Carnegie’s "How to Win Friends and Influence People." In a business setting, it can be used to manipulate people into liking you so that you can further your own cause. I don't think it's possible to go up the hill when people find you unfriendly, so ultimately you'll need to appear amiable and that's where the book comes in handy.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com