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Comment by zimablue | Hacker News Reader

I'm not even American, and for the record I got a couple of K a year at uni which I'd have survive without and never a dime since. Having to live under the control of your parents (which is fundamentally what happens when they hold the purse strings) past the age of 18-21 depending on taste is messed up. I know plenty of people from both camps and it's definitely bad for you to have your parents controlling your life past 21. It's different when you're younger, but even that is painful - at 15 I was ready to operate independently and my parents having some control over me until 18 probably messed up our relationship a lot. Not everything which is cultural is also arbitrary, as humanity advances we tend to promote individual freedom to the maximum extent we can support (and this is coming from a lefty). This isn't even bringing it how it will perpetuate class-systems, even for the beneficiaries I think it's incredibly harmful.

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> couple of K a year at uni which I'd have survive without and never a dime since

And tuition ?

> your parents controlling your life past 21.

I think you have some kind of archaic idea of what parents supporting their child looks like. My parents let me pursue my dream (tbf conveniently it was in STEM) and funded my undergrad and masters. It cost them their life's savings, but it comes with an understanding that I will support my brother's education and we will support them in retirement.

I've been away from home for 8 years at this point, and I can't think of any major restriction on me, as a result of being financially dependent on my parents.

As a family, it is a win-win. My parents get a better retirement through me, both me and my brother can get educated debt free and if anything goes wrong, it would delay our plans but won't destroy us financially the way a $100k loan would. (my parents' annual income is ~12k)

> at 15 I was ready to operate independently

If you still believe that, you might have some maturing to do. Every person I've known at 15 has been too young to live independently without screwing themselves over in some way or form.

___________________

> individual freedom to the maximum extent

I have to ask. What are these things that you felt you couldn't do when you were financially dependent on your parents / living with them.

In my country tuition is a loan. It's not archaic to say that if parents control your money, they can control your life. Some might not use that, many will. And what do middle-upper class parents control when they have the power to? Start with the most important things in your life and work down - who and how you date, what career you pursue, where you live, on and on. If you've never met a person whose parents held the purse strings and used it as power over them then you have a lucky group of friends.

> I think you have some kind of archaic idea of what parents supporting their child looks like. My parents let me pursue my dream (tbf conveniently it was in STEM) and funded my undergrad and masters.

Your experience is not necessarily universal.

> I have to ask. What are these things that you felt you couldn't do when you were financially dependent on your parents / living with them.

I'm from East Texas and I know of many families back home that have a "our money, our roof, our rules" mindset. It's not uncommon for these parents to use the threat of "do what we say or we're pulling your support" to control them. For instance "We don't like your girlfriend, break up with her or we're cutting your support", or "We'll only pay for your college if you major in what we want".

I've also seen these families impose curfews on their adult children, prevent them from drinking at home, prevent them from having certain hobbies or socializing with certain people, etc.

Myself and many of my peers moved away from home and became financially independent from our parents to avoid this situation.

The eradication of the family was the dream of Stalin and Mao and they took large strides toward it. It's problematic, to say the least.

Can you tell me where has he advocated for the "erradication of family"? Please, no straw men.

It was Lenin, but the central thesis is not mistaken. The family was seen as a roadblock to the revolution since women, useful wards-of-the-state-to-be, were too busy caring for families to help the cause.

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/1926/07/the-rus...

https://www.marxists.org/archive/zetkin/1920/lenin/zetkin1.h... (Probably in the "What About the Men?" section)

Edit: since I was downvoted, and since the Lenin interview is gold, I'll mine some for you... hopefully with enough context:

"I ask you: Is now the time to amuse proletarian women with discussions on how one loves and is loved, how one marries and is married? Of course, in the past, present and future, and among different nations-what is proudly called historical materialism! Now all the thoughts of women comrades, of the women of the working people, must be directed towards the proletarian revolution."

I meant "he" as in "the poster", not the figures you decided to summon.

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