What happens after we die? You stop being. The conscious experience of it is the same as before you were born, i.e. nothing.
Does my pain have meaning? Not to the universe, yes to the people that care about you?
Am I special? Live is special, it's the most amazing phenomenon we appear to have in the universe. But at the same time, the "universe" doesn't care about you.
What is consciousness? A physical process happening in your brain.
Will I ever be able to talk to my dead grandmother again? No.
You might not like these answers, but that doesn't have any bearing on them being true or not.