Rambles:
Back in highschool we had a massively depressed friend. They tried it all with her: cognitive behavioral therapy, drugs (ALL OF THEM), weed, religion. Tough love. Exercise. Diet. Nothing cured her and her depression killed her via suicide. What's the psych tell me after? Sometimes there's nothing we can do? That sucks. Human genome, done. Prevent HIV from killing someone. Can't do shit about depression sometimes.
And if you get depression - do you take the ssris? Fuck knows? http://www.healthtalk.org/peoples-experiences/mental-health/... and the "next page." Sometimes they make you numb to the world or feel like you're being controlled. Sometimes they make you have suicidal thoughts. Sometimes they take a weight off your shoulders. Sometimes they make you feel like you actually have a chance. None of my psychs were able to describe any of this. I had to research it on my own.
And Lord forbid you've got multiple. Is it ADHD still? Newest psych has the idea that it's all ADD now - so, my memories of wildcat behavior that I'd be ashamed of in seconds as a kid, what was that? When shit bubbles up out of my mouth without me thinking, is that not the H anymore but just something else? And why did nobody tell me in 2 decades that a common symptom of ADD is shit memory? I had to find out on Reddit. Is it actually? Who knows!
Does Adderall help? Well, I suppose! Hard to say. Technically, I could work without it. I am more productive with. But, also more robotic. And, it's nearly impossible to track the subtle personality changes that come with medicating via Adderall, no matter how hard I journal. Ask the psychs and they shrug and say "keep a journal." Ask what dosage and they say "higher until the side effects are unbearable, then one dosage down," instead of "lower until the medicine is ineffective, then one dose up." And as for those personality changes - perhaps that's a "better" me anyway? It's certainly a smarter one.
Don't get me started on what fresh hell you find yourself in if the State discovers someone is suicidal and locks them in a psych ward. Came damn close to ruining my life by performing a full on jail break to get my friend out of that psuedo science nightmare.
I welcome all thoughts on my rambles and I apologize if no helpful meaning was able to be extracted, on this subject I can think of no other way to get my thoughts on paper.