Oof. I haven't read that classic in awhile. Yeah, most of the things in there can't really be fixed without pulling a Python 3 and intentionally breaking backwards compatibility. And the scary thing is people just brush some of these horrifying things off as non-issues.
PHP was one of my first languages, and it took a long time to break some bad habits it taught. I still can't get over the existence of PHP's "arrays." (Mentioned in the article.) The only data structure is one-size-fits-all. It's truly baffling when you approach it with basic CS knowledge, and the rabbit hole only gets worse...