Comment by kirstenbirgit | Hacker News Reader

Comment by kirstenbirgit | Hacker News Reader

Parent Full thread

As a Dane, here's some observations:

You don't ever talk to strangers. If you do, its superficial, or e.g. something crazy is taking place in a public space you can't avoid commenting on. So if you're not good at striking up conversation or don't look friendly, you'll simply never meet new people. No-one will talk to you unprovoked, ever.

Therefore, most Danes are only in a single close-knit group with their friends from school, since it's really the only place where you are forced to meet new people. As a result of this, it's extremely hard to "break in" to a new group of friends if you've for example moved to Denmark from another country or just moved to another city.

I suspect most Danes find social gratification through work. We're good at keeping a cosy working culture which involves lots and lots of cake (and alcohol, at parties.)

Most Danes I know maybe talk to one or two friends regularly and are totally content with that. Myself, I only regularly talk to my parents and my work mates – the rest have steadily disappeared from my life.

This is mostly true in Los Angeles as well, you won't make any lasting friends in public. There are ways around it though, e.g. going to meetups of various sorts, taking a dance class, etc. Still have to work hard to get over the hump though.

I blame the 40 hour work week with rigid requirements on time/location. 8-10 hours of a day are basically the entirety of the hours someone has to not be tending to chores and other commitments. This would probably be helped by a UBI.

It is true in every city in the U.S. I don't think anyone makes their friends bumping into people around town. You need common context and regular interaction to make friends.

Sounds like Singapore too. I guess it’s the same for many metropolitan cities.

I observed the same behavior in Sweden. Spent ~1 year there, and it was really difficult to make new friends outside of work.

This might look bleak to most. But to some really introverted people, it is paradise!

Gladly when I moved to Scandinavia I was very interested in pickup and NLP. To my surprise, what I discovered is that lack of social "practice" makes people very susceptible to "sales tricks".

So what I found out is that most women in Scandinavia preached one thing, but had no problem throwing their principals out the gate just to get what they want. Wich in term point me to the conclusion that they have urges that the social system does not satisfy.

But here is the funny thing that makes Scandinavians truly unique. It is possible to have sex with someone, and have a great time, only for them to completely avoid you if they cross you randomly on the street.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com