A Letter from Your Director | Hacker News Reader

A Letter from Your Director

3 pointsmchannon2 comments

Dear Employee:

You know how we’re short-staffed around here, and you’ve been busting your hump to keep up with the workload, going above and beyond, in order to land that new managerial position that just opened up?

You know the one with the big bump in salary, more prestige, more job security, with more control over the project, that you’ve had your heart set on ever since you landed here?

It’s time to fill that position. Are you ready? Are you excited?

We’re going to go outside the company and hire a stranger to do that job, passing you over. And by we, I mean you. You’re going to sort through candidates and pick the person to do this job. You won’t be reporting directly to this person, but, yeah, they’re basically going to be your boss. They’re going to get paid a lot more than you. You will be paid the same.

Oh, and we’re not going to be watching your interview process much at all. You won’t have to document anything and we won’t base your performance bonus on the quality of who you hire, or if you actually end up hiring somebody. Just make sure you schedule lots of interviews with all that spare time you have. That metric we will measure.

Sincerely,

Clueless Upper Management

What could go wrong with this strategy? If you’ve ever been in one of these interviews, on either side of the table, plenty.

Are you going to tell me the hiring manager is going to pick the best person for the job? There’s nobody closely watching the hiring manager, and they’re making it his subjective judgment call, which candidates fall on which edge of the wastebasket.

If you’re anything like most people, you’re going to be in absolutely no hurry to finish the hiring process, absent some pressure. Once that pressure comes, you want that position to stay vacant: maybe no hires will clue the higher-ups in to the fact that that should be your job and they should promote from within.

So how do you deflect the pressure while keeping the position vacant? Schedule a few interviews and shitcan every candidate. Not senior enough, too old. Not experienced enough. Wants too much money. Doesn’t look like a good fit. Doesn’t matter what you say because your excuse will be good enough for the upper management to see things the way you want them to see them. You’ll offer your understanding shoulder when they come crying that they can’t staff up as fast as they want.

Maybe you realize this is why you’re short-staffed. Your only ticket out of this purgatory is to season in your current position a bit and then hope that the company you try to land a higher-paying position at doesn’t have someone in the same boat doing the hiring.

You missed the part where you'll be required to train and explain the entire business to your new manager. Every doc you've written, every PowerPoint, and you'll need to sit by his or her side at meetings and cover for any technical or knowledge gaps.

Oh, and most of those docs and slides will be modified and marked up to make the business look better than ever. They'll probably even promise better goals for the years ahead since things are going so great.

And, right about the time those goals are due, your new manager will be promoted upward and outward...leaving you to hold the wreckage and explain to the board why you didn't make the goals promised by their up-and-coming superstar.

(based on a true story)

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