i spend hundreds of hours a year meditating to get rid of my sense of self. it is the best thing about the LSD experience too.
the idea that one is not in control of one's own actions is called "seeing the illusion of free will which is obvious to anyone who has ever seriously thought about the issue."
the idea that you are watching a movie about something that does not actually have a self is called "ego death" or "enlightenment."
After years of getting my grounding, I feel like I can manage these feelings. I don't have them that often. But it takes practice, and you have to surrender when the feelings are overwhelming.
For functioning in this world, you do need a sense of self. But it also helps when that self realizes that it is part of a whole. Without a self, I don't think you can operate in this reality, so there's no point trying to get rid of it.
Mine's been far milder (thankfully) and the best way I could explain that feeling is like being a boat with it's anchor dropped. You're very much the anchor but, when you hit the DP/PR, you're also - very much - the boat, as well - being tossed about by the waves.
It's like events happen but you're kind of pedestrian to them, seing them after-the-fact, almost[0].
That's the best way that I can describe it but I'm not even doing it justice, overall; just from my own anecdotal experience(s) and it's a piss-poor analogy at that. Sorry.
1. I share your sense of skepticism about these types of things. I generally thought people with anxiety just exaggerated until I started getting panic attacks and anxiety myself (due to DPDR).
2. The biggest difference between meditating and DPDR is the sense of anxiety. When you meditate to lose yourself you feel at peace (I assume). With DPDR, you feel panic.
3. When you look at loved ones during episodes, its discomforting feeling creeped out by them. It's not pleasant.
Now why is one pleasant and the other isn't despite having a similar mechanism? That's a great question. Perhaps the brain reacts differently when you do things on purpose v.s. when things happen to you against your will and out of your control. I imagine there are more differences as well. The brain is a complex organ.