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Comment by telesilla | Hacker News Reader

It's also very successful, if you have built a stable business and a way of supporting yourself and a few others around you. Being successful doesn't always mean having a 1BN valuation. But sure, it's nice to think that one day, it could happen. I'm just grateful every day that what I've got now - stability and plenty of resources - was a result of pretty much what Sam said. Believing in ourselves and not giving up, and building something meaningful to others that isn't easily duplicated. Sometimes I feel that's not enough, here on this site, but it is. The business I have right now: it just can't get that big, the wider market doesn't need what I make. But I love what I do and I have insane amounts of freedom and to my friends, I'm wildly successful. I'm reminded by that each time I know I'm doing well enough to live the life I wanted, and can support my family. That's success, too.

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It's also very successful if you were a stay home parent and your kids were able to succeed thanks to your efforts.

Absolutely. There are a range of definitions for successful, but I think in many ways it's best left as "in the eye of the beholder", in the sense that it's about achieving your own personal threshold. If you build a way of life that is sustainable for yourself and provides you with personal and psychological stability for you and your dependents, and if you feel at least reasonably fulfilled in this, you can call yourself successful.

If you don't think you're doing what you should be, or think you could be doing So Much More, or that you have wasted potential, then maybe you're not successful yet, even if you're doing better on paper than some people who do view themselves as such.

I have a great many friends that do not have the kind of money and opportunities I have simply due to my choice in a software career path.

Even a boring thankless job for me is where many of my peers dream they could be.

tell that to my exwife

Given how many marriages end up in divorce, and how many more must stick together but create a hostile environment for children, avoiding that should be seen as an achievement too.

As a force multiplier have a stable business that supports you but doesn't take all of your time can be huge. It allows you to take risks that others won't.

That said, there is something to having risks be actual risks. A friend of mine who has been much more successful than I have decided to take out a huge second mortgage on his house to start his own business (at the time it was an ISP and he spent nearly all of the money he pulled out on building out his data center and network). I advised him against it, after all if it failed he would lose his house. But his response was sobering, it was "Chuck, I need to know that if I fail I'll lose my house to keep my feet to the fire of not failing." Gutsy? Stupid? He made it work and is "retired" to his own boutique winery. Would I be as impressed if he had failed? I suppose it would depend on what he did after he got through that.

This motivation is real. I never worked harder than in the first 3 years of my bootstrapped business, when finance was precarious.

I didn't face any big financial loss, I had no mortgage, debt or capital requirements in the business. Just my own living expenses.

But I really, really, really didn't want to fail. That would mean moving back in with my parents and getting a job.

It really worked. If I had had enough money that I could have been in modest comfort indefinitely, I don't think I would have gotten off the ground.

I see a lot of people who would like to start a business. And they make some efforts here and there. But they have a decently comfy life, and they don't seem to have that drive that motivates you through the tedium, the tiny initial results, the lag between effort and something tangible. I consider it a virtual guarantee of failure.

Decades ago, I heard a [possibly apocryphal] story that was already decades old about an encounter between a man famous for his vast wealth (I can't remember who, Carnegie, Morgan, Rockefeller..?) and a fan. A man recognized the rich guy on the street and approached him. "Are you <whoever>?" Yes. "Tell me, what does it really feel like to have so much money?"

"Young man, I could probably ask you the same question." The young man looked puzzled. The rich man continued, "Do you feel as though you have enough money?" "Well, sure, I suppose, but it would be great to have more."

"How does it feel--feeling that you have enough money and more would be a luxury? I've never once felt that way, so I can't stop until I feel that way, too."

Devoting your life to getting above some very high percentile in money is not the best use of your only life for most people, in my opinion, but as long as they're not stealing it, it's okay with me if others want that for themselves (and I don't feel entitled to a share of it.) I think we all should take seriously the responsibility to support ourselves and to help others who can't, but beyond that, there are countless forms of success that are as worthy as "owning lots of valuable things".

Sounds like something Getty actually would have said.

Yep I agree, the meaning of success is very subjective. Imho success shouldn't be numbered in $ or PhDs.

I've met simple people, with not much money or education, although they are successful to me cause they managed to create a nice family and have a happy life. Something that usually its hard for people working towards their careers 24/7.

Hesiod once wrote 'Moderation in all things'. That personally is my moto. I don't have to have done something that is out of this world to be successful. I can be successful enough by valuing my own time, raising my kids in a proper manner and generally being happy. If I am happy, I am successful.

Simply living a stable family life is father along than most people ever achieve.

Agree. The title hurts discussion and I think it could be less clickbaity and a bit more accurate to topic.

The topic is more about attributes of people who do large scale endeavors. Success should not be used in this context.

I agree, some of the advice feels more like ‘How to be a better high risk vc startup founder’ vs ‘How to be a better 1M/yr “lifestyle” business founder’.

Eventually if you want to scale yourself in the exponentiation formula you become a vc, vs grist for the founder mill.

You only have so many 1% 5 year adventure chances to do a startup before you find your 50 and dont have much to show for your life.

how many people would you say try and fail 50 times? of course, failure can be defined in many ways. But I wouldn't think you end up in a bad place without having learnt a lot.

Let us say you start at 20 and end at 50, you only have 6 'startup adventure' chances that can work their way through.

If each have a %1 chance of success, it's very likely that the 6 adventure person wouldn't have much to show at the end of it.

Ending up an equivalent of mr. bullet ball is horrifying: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=leHwNiXgnh0

Because of survivorship bias, you usually never hear about these people.

Many people also try only 1 or 2 adventures, and if unsuccessful go into normal employment. But you jump off the 'potential exponentiation train' that sama describes by doing that, and you've lost out on 5-10 years of potential compound savings growth, which for many who can work at FANG instead means a million or two.

You also get to learn a lot and do fun stuff at FAANG employers too.

You hit the nail on the head. Success is most definitely not measured by how many steaks you've in the freezer as opposed to the next "less" or "more" successful guy. From what I can glean about your post, your aim was to be -content- more than -successful-, and from what you've said, it seems like you are (e.g. you speak of more life balance)

Notorious B.I.G. - may he rest in peace, has a great song which IMHO is pure wisdom when it comes to money - "Mo' money, mo' problems"

So be -content- with what you have. And being content is an art form - easier said than done.

I was expecting to read: "know yourself and know that you want" as there are, as you point out, many definitions of success.

I could not agree more. In fact I said the same thing to a post on HN not a month ago: why are people aiming to be the 1% in their careers or markets when just being great at what you do, and for enough people, will bring happiness and joy for all involved.

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