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Comment by fromthestart | Hacker News Reader

>You need to learn to regularly express your feelings in a healthy way, even the unpleasant ones.

According to modern psychological studies, which, between p value abuse, replicability crisis, publish or perish, and politics, should be suspect. It wouldn't surprise me if supressing certain emotions, for certain people, in various contexts, might be ideal.

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Annecdotally, almost anytime I would discuss my feelings, I would feel like an absolute idiot and definitely not better.

Stoicism is the only answer I have found. Be aware of, express, but be in control.

Discussing one’s feelings doesn’t necessarily mean giving into them or letting them control your actions.

Not the OP, but I'd say - it's not about anyone controlling your actions. It's about the way of conveying the message. It's about controlling yourself so you wouldn't just break open and flood other with whatever you might think is genuine and appropriate, but others would probably get as uncontrolled gibberish of madman said with ferocity haven't seen before.

Only because we shame men for asking for support.

It takes time to unlearn that, and to allow ourselves to be vulnerable.

So let's say a man expresses how he feels and is then shamed for it. This really just reinforces the notion, for this man, that he shouldn't be expressing how he feels. I'm not sure you can "unlearn" in the way you're saying unless you're in the right environment and around the right people. Or if you're willing to let people shame you, which is probably a bad idea.

Maybe the advice should be to never express a feeling to someone who will shame you for it. At least then you know it is possible.

Yeah, it takes finding people that you can trust, that won't be shitty to you for telling them you are having a hard time.

Close friends, siblings, or parents are often a good source of support.

I'm generally pretty stoic, but I find if I'm very candid about how I'm feeling it comes across better. Not all the time, of course, but interspersing candid feedback on my emotional state throughout interactions with others makes me feel better and makes me seem more human to others, increasing rapport, and enabling me to accomplish my goals better.

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