What do you spend most time worrying about? And has your mental disorder got any connection to spirituality? I have been down this road many times and have immense experience, and will from time to time get sucked in there myself because I'm being careless.

Also, habits? Smoking, drinking? Good if not. Bad if yes.

Btw, thanks for the honesty. When I do go down, I struggle with the same stuff... and it takes guts to admit that to yourself and others.

And get off your meds. It's not worth it. I have had a tab of Valium (12 pills) last me for the last 2 years. I only take it when I get an ultra panic attack, and mine tend to be the out of this fucking world kind...

And friends I know that sat on pills for a long time said they eventually fuck you up even more. For this, I would suggest getting into a regular exercise regime despite how shitty it is to get up and do that stuff...

Happy to hear your thoughts and give some general advice.