One that helped me a lot personally was this book "never split the difference"
The approach I use is to really listen to people talking and work out what they are trying to say and mirror it back to them in a more eloquent manner. The result is they think the two of us have totally "clicked". I rarely use this approach as it is mentally very taxing and I don't need to charm many people, but it is very effective.
Another strategy that works well for creating friendships is to build a thicket of small favours. Ask for some small favour and then let the other person ask you for something small in return. Repeat.
It is always best to be in favour debt with other people (you owe them) than the reverse. There is no better way of creating a true enemy than really helping someone and not letting them return the favour.
Can you expand on 'there is no better way of creating a true enemy than ...'
The people who hate me the most in the world are not those that I have wronged, but those I really helped.
Make sure that if you help someone that you ask them for some help back - it doesn't need to be anything big, but the sooner you unload the debt the happier the person will be towards you. If there is nothing you need help with just make something up and then say thank you.
I love the idea of repeating back to someone what they have said in a more eloquent manner. That's a specific, actionable strategy (more so than "listening") that's enough of a game that my introverted self could probably put it into practice.
So I'm starting to think that maybe that's an important key to charisma: being genuinely interested in the person you're talking with, and making them feel important, loved and understood.
I haven't applied it myself, though.
Time spent in the perdorming arts, usually filled with high charisma types, changed that a little. And I picked up a lot of basic people skills.
Later, sales directly, as well as pre-sales and related work led to qualification. Those who do that well are high value. Cost of sales can go nuts without solid qualification.
And there it was. A primary motivation to better understand people. Some 20 years of that, all manner of companies, departments, leaders and I do often have a genuine interest in other people.
Charisma came up and improved as those skills and interests did.
A book I read (believe it was something like ‘What got you here win’t Get you there’) said something that has stuck with me. Paraphrased: "Everyone can be as charismatic as Bill Clinton. You do it on a job interview or on a first date. The secret is... he does it all the time"
"Clinton had this huge charisma. He was wearing a pair of black trousers and a blue checked shirt with his sleeves rolled up. His presence made everyone around him so comfortable. He had this extraordinary ability to make us feel very special. He took time out to speak to each one of us asking about our family, where we were raised and educated, what were the things in our life that we hold important." [2]
[1] http://www.bing.com/search?q=meeting+bill+clinton+%2B+charis...
[2] https://m.telegraphindia.com/states/west-bengal/meet-billary...
The Charisma Myth, FYI, is that you’re naturally born with charisma. The reality is that charisma can be nurtured.
[0]: https://readwise.io (full disclosure I am one of the creators)
reference?
2/ Have strong opinions that are loosely held but be open to having your mind changed
3/ Listen. No, really listen. Shut up, stop just waiting to respond to what someone said and listen to them as if you made the first contact with an alien species that was giving you the keys to the universe. Don't interrupt, don't rush to spout out an answer. Don't let your mind wander
4/ Make solid eye contact.
5/ Smile as much as you can. Note: Don't force a fake smile if you're not feeling it.
6/ Don't be overly negative or critical. Don't be an asshole.
7/ Give honest and genuine compliments.
Also, I have a specific playlist of music that gets me in an active mood that I listen to before any social events, speaking to a group or going out on dates. It's made a world of a difference for me.
“Next to being witty, the best thing is being able to quote another’s wit.”
I would point out another important quote I live by:
“It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read a book of quotations.”
So I guess you could say I’m uneducated. But I believe I am a bit more charming and charismatic because I can quote others appropriately at the right times.
Try alcohol. It may not work for everybody, but experimentation is part of science.