I realize my response may not be helpful and is not in the normal spirit of HN. But OP said this "My ideal life would be one where I am free to explore things that interest me and share that knowledge with others."

Look, not everyone can be an Instagram model or a YouTube star. Sometimes a good smack in the face is what's needed to spark a little motivation. Sometimes not, but I think it's worth putting out there.

For some less harsh motivation I'll offer this:

https://www.ted.com/talks/mel_robbins_how_to_stop_screwing_y...