Ask HN: What was your “why didn't I start doing this sooner” moment? | Hacker News Reader

Ask HN: What was your “why didn't I start doing this sooner” moment?

49 pointsNinjaX52 comments

A few months after seeking help for my mental illness, I had this moment of clarity. All the relationships that laid broken, all the opportunities that were missed. I could suddenly see and understand how my illness had contributed to these failures. How warped perceptions and erratic behavior just let to ruin.

There is this stigma around pills, in society, but also in my family. I would go to the hospital if I had bronchitis, but seeking help for mental issues was completely off the table. You get told to suck it up, stop whining, be a man, but all these actions really do is internalize and compound the illness.

If you're struggling with mental issues, and you're reading this, I just want you to know that it doesn't have to be that way. There is help. You can get help. It does not make you less of a person. It's just an illness, like any other. If you have a cold, you wouldn't think twice about grabbing a cough drop. This is the same. Seeking help isn't giving in or giving power to your illness, it's you taking power over it, and gaining control of your life back from it.

Snowboarding.

There is no snow (or seasons) where I grew up. I first started snowboarding while attending university at the tender age of 27. The combination of multiple factors (foreign introvert with few friends, fewer snowboarding acquaintances, living several hours far from the slopes, cost of gear, bad career moves) stopped me from snowboarding for the next 8 years. Eventually I chanced upon some roommates that go annually, confirming that I do indeed have an innate love for the sport. Now older with a stable income and heck all for others' opinions, I'll go snowboard even just by myself. I actually enjoy snowboarding by myself but the weird thing is this sport has opened me up to more friends, who complain when I don't ask any of them along.

I'll admit that my upbringing has given me a weird fetish for snow and cold weather, but there's just something magical about snowboarding that I can't explain with words.

I'm hoping to hit 50 days on the slopes this year.

For me it was board sports in general, including snowboarding and surfing. Both are unique and amazing in their own right.

For surfing, I had always assumed it was a hippie thing bored Californians did. It wasn't until I tried it one summer in Hawaii that I realized the level of physical and mental resilience you need to surf, or the meditative aspects of it. The bulk of my time surfing is not spent standing on a surfboard but rather paddling out or staring at the ocean, waiting for the right wave.

Similarly, after snowboarding in the mountains of Vermont a couple of winters ago, my whole perception of mountain sports changed. While it's physically demanding, there is a zen-like calmness to it as well. That paired with the gorgeous mountain scenery is quite special.

I agree. One aspect I like is that it forces you to put your daily life aside and focus on the current moment. I really like scuba diving for this same reason.

I also really enjoy board spots in general, and I find there seems to be something unique about them that attracts introverts like myself, even though snowboard/board-sport culture can sometimes be a bit "bro-ey". I often find myself acting more extroverted and easily making friends while snowboarding/surfing/skateboarding.

I think it has to do with the simplicity, independent nature of board sports, and the self-reliant DIY attitude. There actually seems to be a lot of parallels to hacker culture, which is what I think makes it really unique when compared to other sports.

I'd really encourage others to try them, as they are a great way to get out of the tech bubble, make friends, and be active. They really aren't all that difficult to get started with. The learning curve is steep but short, and for the most part they aren't all that expensive.

Same here, I lived where there is no snow / seasons. Two years ago, I learned snowboarding and I eventually became decent at it. After a trip to Colorado and experiencing the powder, I felt in love with the sport. This became my favorite sport, it's more efficient than meditation, I'm at peace when going down the slopes. I'm trying to move to Colorado (or California) to be able to practice more.

Getting a solid 8+ hours of good quality sleep each night. For me this meant:

- Sleeping/waking at the same time each night/morning - Keeping my room cool at night - Relaxation exercises for both body and mind once I get into bed - Getting a comfortable eye mask - Actually taking sleep seriously (read Why We Sleep)

I feel so good each day, I have a better memory and emotional stability, and I don't fall asleep at work any more.

CrossFit. I won't make any claims to CrossFit being intrinsically better than any other fitness program, but it works for me, primarily in the sense of "the best workout program is the one that you do." I was an on-again-off-again runner and weight lifter for 20 years--get inspired by the New Year or a new workout partner--only to burn out or get bored after a few months, year after year. My CrossFit track record isn't perfect either, but it's much, much better, which I attribute to the variety of the workouts, the breadth of the exercises and the community itself. It's not for everyone, it's not without flaws, and there are other "functional fitness" options these days, but it beats the hell out of what I was doing before.

Couple things I've tried and never looked back on:

I quit caffeine and sleep so much better now.

Got a 144hz g-sync monitor, wondered where it had been all my life. Spent 15 minutes opening and closing the start menu and moving the mouse cursor around it was so beautiful.

Now paying for house cleaners twice a month, the extra time and reduced stress are well worth the money.

Now, even a better technology, Freesync has come. With its conjunction, the battery, graphic card and the monitor are relieved from stressing to their maximum.

How did you quit caffeine? I've tried for years now but no luck. I quit for a few months only to come back. It's no mild addiction as I used to think. I suspect that if it was illegal it would be as profitable as any other illegal drug. I advise everyone I can to not get started with it.

I drink 2-4 cups of tea a day but don’t (think) I have trouble sleeping. I fall asleep easily and generally sleep soundly (unless the kids wake me up).

Previous to quitting caffeine did you think you were sleeping well or did you think you had trouble?

I quit for a year. Being super gradual is key.

I started measuring my coffee grinds during preparation to the half teaspoon and each two weeks I went down half a teaspoon. I filled in the rest with decaf.

The day I started using a shaving brush and soap vs shaving cream in a can. I get a closer, smoother shave with less irritation than the canned shaving cream. I love it and I think my razors last a bit longer too. It's definitely a plus for me.

Me too! I shave in the shower using inexpensive blades from darko and soap. Someone gifted me cremo shave cream. A tinny dollop is even better than soap or brush (at least in the shower)

Working mulitiple remote jobs. I've never been 100% utilized, haven't been in 10 years. So I took on another job. I work more than one job remote in an 8 hour day. Two times the income, and I'm generally more busy, but still not 100%. Sure there are busy time but they rarely coincide.

How would your employers feel about that arrangement?

This sounds pointed. As long as they're adhering to the terms of the employment agreement and producing good work, I don't see why the employer would care.

That was the first question that came to my mind as well, since I think all of my working contracts have stipulated that I was expected to work exclusively for the company I signed with. See, many went as far as pretending i could not even work for another IT company even after the contract ended, as you certainty all have experienced as well.

Unless OP is freelancing of course, but he did not sound like he is.

It's all fun and games until you accidentally forward that important email to the wrong manager.

That’s a can of worms. Basically employees are traditionally measured by the amount of time they are confined multipled by a factor representing their relative worth. Such an arrangement encourages slacking off of course, so the typical 40h wotker might do 20h of real work but if they went home early every day eyebrows will be raised so they need to be present the whole day. But what happens when working remote? There are no appearances to keep up and so it’s probably cool to do 20h as long as you are typically getting through enough work. And if you can take on 2 of those, why not? why should amazon have so many customers rather than just serve me? Well amazon don’t lie about it whereas in the work situation you might need to, and therein lies the rub.

Funding my 401k.

LASIK eye surgery. I had a lot of astigmatism and a little bit of myopia. I didn’t mind the act of wearing glasses (except for active activities) but they don’t correct astigmatism well. I see better now 11 years post surgery that’s i ever did before. I wished I did it 10 years earlier.

Be sure to wait until mid 20s when your eye have stopped growing/changing quickly.

Be sure to find a high end dr that has a high candidate rejection rate. If they accept you, you have a very high chance of success.

That's been on my TODO for a long time... How do you figure out the condidate rejection rate?

In the US I believe this is required to be provided by the dr. At least I had no problem finding it. They also have to provide their success rate.

At the time I did it, the cost was about 5k for the high end drs with very high success rates. It was only about 0.5k for the “factory” drs. But they have a much lower success rate. I suspect the higher success rate is due to high candidate rejection rate so they have fewer patients in the queue but charge more. My dr side about 3000 procedures a year. To me that seemed like enough to not be burned out but also be in good practice.

Note that the vast majority of failures means only mean that you still need to wear glasses, not something catastrophic. Also most failures are elegiable to get a second procédure at no cost once they are fully healed (about 6 months).

5 minutes after the procedure my vision was Better than before and continued to improve for about 2 months. The one side effect I had was dry eyes for about 6 months. I just needed eye drops 3-4 times a day.

Eating once a day.

It's hard to imagine going back to the inconvenience of eating 3 times a day.

Really? Do you eat snacks later in the day?

I'll eat more than once in some situations:

- Free food at the office

- Free food samples at the store

- Family/friend cooks breakfast/lunch

- Special breakfast/brunch/lunch event

- Coupons for >30% off at a nearby restaurant

- Going out for drinks/concert/movie

- Traveling and eating street food

I'm not too strict about it. I basically won't go out of my way to get food more than once a day (usually at around 7PM).

I skipped breakfast for as long as I can remember. I stopped eating lunch 4 years ago when I was doing keto, was never hungry, and wanted to save money (I used to eat out every lunch). Since then, I eat breakfast maybe once a month, and lunch maybe once a week (both off and on keto).

Some call it 23:1 intermittent fasting.

Wow. I'm impressed. I couldn't imagine eating less than 3 times a day, my body needs the calories. How do you do it?

Why do you think he eats fewer calories than you?

People can only fit so much food in their stomach in one sitting.

You can always eat more calorie dense foods. I could eat three pints of ice cream on an empty stomach. That’s 4500 calories.

I do this too. I eat a few snacks a day and one meal a day, dinner usually. It works like a charm and I've lost a few pounds too.

Start traveling while working remotely

I quit my 9-5 job and started to accept freelancing jobs, now I'm 10 thousand miles away from home, enjoying sunny days with less stress and better life quality. Not going back soon.

Weight training (& health generally) and BJJ (sanity, health, confidence)

Working from home for myself on my own projects and freelancing.

work as an independent consultant. same jobs, 5x the pay.

What do you do? What was the pay then? What is the pay now?

I did consulting for awhile. I spent a lot of time selling myself - something I don't enjoy.

I find this hard to believe. If you were a developer making 100k before that would mean you&re developer making 500k now. Impossible? No. Improbable? Yes.

Maybe twice the pay, Id believe that.

I've had a similar experience to this guy. It depends on the number of days but I reckon 5x is average. It only takes a couple of days of the first week in a month to cross the threshold of 1x.

Also there can be a secondary multiplier if you have 2 gigs at once. So 5x becomes 10x if you have two.

I don't think most people who do this are interested in going at it this way 252 days a year though but yeah if one's keen to 500k is possible.

How high can you go? Senior devs at google can pull 300k+ with stock at the L5 level, does contracting scale in the same way or is 500k atypical?

Well it depends, people turn it into whole businesses and get additional staff to arbitrage the hourly rates. I've seen a couple get 4m+

How did you get into this?

I worked as an employee for a consulting company. Then I quit and started my own consulting company. It took me a while to take the leap, but I did and have not looked back since. Good times these days.

I tried that. Maybe it works for some people, but as a salesman, I make a good technician. As a PR person, I make a good technician. As an accountant or billing person, I make a good technician. As a business development person, I make a good technician. Ad nauseum.

I found there are so many parts to running your own business that I am well and truly horrible at, well I went back to working for consulting companies.

How do you get your gigs and how do you set your rates? I've been thinking of starting this coming year and slowly moving to it 100%. I've done a few gigs but their mainly friends or friends of friends but nothing steady.

LinkedIn is very useful for getting gigs. Rates are pretty much market value.

How exactly do you find gigs on linked in?

Thanks for the tip! I never would have thought of it.

Meditation. Most days I meditate around the corner from work during lunch. It massively improves my mood, gives me new perspective, sometimes gives me a physical body high like a good edible, and helps me focus.

I usually meditate again before I leave work, which makes me less tired. I now have the energy to go out and socialise after work.

I initially dismissed meditation as stupid, but many of the smartest people I know and respect do it. Eventually I just said, "what if I'm wrong". Haven't looked back.

I can recommend starting with the Headspace app and The Mind Illuminated book.

I felt the same way as you but finally started meditating twice a day for the past couple of days. I have already noticed less stress and anxiety symptoms during my day with an improved focus. Highly recommend.

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