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Comment by InGodsName | Hacker News Reader

My friend's dad never took responsibilites seriously, so when she was conceived, her mom was very worried/stressed as her dad was contemplating to fly to a different country with some other women forever.

When she was 10, weird depression developed and it still affects her to this date.

She isn't poor, he mom has a good job.

But is it possible the perception of environment from her mother, transfered to womb and gave her this depression?

Maybe she had depression since birth but only managed to communicate and understand it when she turned 10?

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> My friends dad's never took responsibilites seriously

What kind of dad was this man then? What kind of connection did he build with his daughter?

It's so obvious from what you wrote, yet it's interesting you seemingly didn't draw the connection. edit: it may be also that your friend herself did not draw this connection or is unconsciously avoiding it.

So, so much happens behind closed doors, in every home. So much unwritten history. So much that you'll never know about someone.

We all want to love our parents and feel it is the right thing to do. Yet to heal trauma, to heal depression... you have to acknowledge the anger that has built up. Legitimate anger of being ignored, insulted, ridiculed, abandoned, shamed, and so on. Paradoxically.. it is through gradually allowing oneself to feel this anger, that the heart opens.. and we are able to love again both self and others.

> What kind of dad was this man then? What kind of connection did he build with his daughter?

I'm not sure whether you intended this, but (since we're discussing biology here) this is really two possible connections. One is that she grew up with a dad who was (apparently) a gigantic asshole. The second is that she got 50% of her genes from a gigantic asshole. Or more charitably, from someone who wasn't emotionally a great fit for 20/21st century capitalist society.

Before any study counts such things as evidence of weird epigenetic effects, it had better do a really solid job of taking these (19th C) effects into account, to see if there is anything left. And that's pretty hard to do.

She told me she doesn't love her dad and she thinks he's immature.

She visits her dad since she went to the country where her dad lives for studies.

She asked her dad for money for her studies but he refused, saying that he doesn't have any.

He also sometimes joins her in shopping and buys stuff for himself and never pays for it.

All while her mom supported her. But she believes it's because of her, her mom has never progressed in like her dad. (Read: finding a different life partner)

The biggest problem is that she feels as if she's burden for her mom. She tried sucide at 16.

Now she's 18 and doesn't feel sucidal anymore but negative throughts have never left her.

I convinced her to go to a doctor who prescribed her Mirtazapine 15mg. It worked for a few days then stopped working.

Now, she's avoiding doctor.

He depression is very severe. Racing thoughts overload her brain to point where she's not able to think clearly anymore.

Feels tired all time.

All her friends have left her without saying anything.

Only i am left now. I don't like seeing her like this.

I've read a lot about depression so, that i don't end up making it worse and not hurt her in anyway.

She says, stop trying for me, I'll never be cured.

But I've a strong belief to see her cured one day.

I wonder what can i do from here.

It's a decade of depression.

If she can afford it talk therapy is what she would really benefit from. Unfortunately talk therapy is expensive.

You can NOT change her. She will reach out eventually, or she won't. Believing "I'll never be cured" is itself a defense mechanism. That can mean she's just too young to be able to start healing. Particularly if she's still stuck in this environment, and living with those dependencies. Only when she's able to fly out of the nest, and distance herself sufficiently from both her parents, she can begin opening up.

The next best thing to help her cope till someday she find the strength to reach out, is a yoga class. That is not so expensive, even just once a week will do wonders and more effective and soothing than taking antidepressants. I talk from experience from a time when I had insane levels of anxiety. Just once a week made a significant difference.

Bless you both not much else I can say. I wanted to type more but it's too complex of a topic.

It's within the realm of possibility, but you definitely shouldn't jump to the conclusion that a particular individual's depression is rooted in epigentics because she isn't poor.

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