Those recruiters are actually telling you “this is a company you don’t want to work for”. I had this happen once after grad school. Guy wanted me to drive 10 hours one way, pay for a hotel (“isn’t there someone you can stay with?” There wasn’t), and drive back all in my dime. It’s not normal, it’s not reasonable, and you should just end the conversation right there. It will only get worse.
Let’s go down this hypothetical route where you accept to do something so ridiculous. You drive a ways or fly in, you get the hotel and you go back, all in your own dime. You’ve effectively just invested hundreds of dollars into this interview. They might already be planning to fill the position with an internal candidate, who knows? Maybe they’re just feeling it out. Or maybe they want you, and maybe they know they have a garbage offer. Well now that you’re emotionally committed to this on some level because of the money you spent, you’re more likely to commit more than you otherwise would have. In poker I think they call it “pot committed” when you have a weak hand but you’ve already put so much into the pot that you feel compelled to “win back” what you’ve already lost, so you bet more. Same principle. This is really, reallt shitty psychological manipulation.
I don’t think I need to say more. If that isn’t enough to convince you then I’m afraid you might need some coaching for how to stand up for yourself ;)