Hacker News Reader

Comment by billforsternz | Hacker News Reader

This is a lovely and charming story...but. The whole premise is that the relationship between the suburban dad and the celebrity was somehow weird and unbelievable. I see that, but it's a shame we can't turn the world on its head somehow so that it would be just everyday normality. Celebrity culture has elevated some people to a kind of otherness. But they're just people.

View on HN

In the end it's a story of a dude who ran into another dude and they hit it off over drinks and dinner. Then over the years they'd catch up and share stories of their lives and their children.

But the difference here is one guy is a celebrity and probably had a very very busy day to day schedule. Even then, he'd make time to meet up with Mr. Wang when they were in the same town.

I think the story is interesting because the two men came from very different backgrounds, yet discovered lots of common ground (minority skin color, achieved success despite modest upbringing, pride in their children). It's a story of a good friendship, one where you'd deliver a glowing eulogy at the other's funeral, if it ever came to that. I mean, I'm not sure how many folks I have outside of my own family that I'd have enough to say to deliver a eulogy. Maybe I need to make more friends?

I think the "very very very busy schedule" misses the point. Everbody has stuff to do, and things that are hard or (almost) impossible to reschedule. But everybody has a personal life, and can and will take time for it. One thing I sometimes say (not sure if it's from somewhere else, and I certainly failt to live up to it myself, sometimes): "You don't have time, you take it". Things just need to be more important than what's on your calendar.

Well said. I think what I was trying to say was, despite our common perception of a celebrity's busy life (full of parties, speaking engagements, sponsor events), Sir Charles is just a normal person like us. He made time to hang out with his friends.

It’s not just celebrity, but two guys from completely different and far separated social spheres, managing to strike up and more importantly, keep a friendship going despite the distance.

I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect famous people — or anyone, for that matter — to stay in touch with literally anyone who wants to befriend them. Our attention and time is a finite resource, we have to make hard choices and commitments about who we give to and withdraw from. This is a story that wouldn’t happen without celebrity. Not just because Mr. Wang would not have otherwise recognized and talked to Barkley in their chance encounter, but seeing Barkley on TV continually helped keep the familiarity going, even if it was a mostly one-way street.

I bet Barkley gets many solicitations for his attention, and on the surface Wang doesn’t seem any different than other fans. But I think Wang showed his the genuineness of his friendship by showing up for the funeral service for Barkley’s mom. Anyone, fan or friend, could have seen the news and booked a flight to be there. That Wang dropped whatever work he was doing to be there for someone who he wasn’t close to (socially/geospatially) was a strong sign of how much he cared about Barkley.

Usually human lives are a continuous process of self-selecting our social circle to include those most similar to us in most ways. This is unusual because the two friends were so different, but still found common ground. Celebrities become g friends with non celebrities is also rare because there is always the sense that the ordinary person wants fame or money by association from the friendship, which was even true in this case to some extent (Wang proudly showing a slide show of photos with Barkley).

I think this tells the story of the culture of celebrity in the United States as much as a private story between these two people.

It is also "traditional" celebrity interaction. Where the celebrity achieved status from professional skill building and achievement and largely unknowable through social media. So to know this person or have photos with them is a more scarce and unusual thing.

Wheras new celebrity status can be achieved through social media with no form of measurable achievement based on traditional skill building.

What's interesting about celebrity now is how many more people can be known and what skills can make you be known. Like, being beautiful and able to do finger dances on tiktok.

People have been famous for being beautiful and charismatic long before Internet social networks.

They have but their image had to be channeled through traditional distribution channels which created a narrow funnel for who and how many gained noteriety.

> The whole premise is that the relationship between the suburban dad and the celebrity was somehow weird and unbelievable. I see that

I'm not sure why, and it seems to me like I must be in a minority. I'm pretty sure every other upper-middle class person has one or two wealthy and/or famous friends. All wealthy and famous people can't only have friends that are wealthier or more famous than themselves, the math doesn't work out.

Instead, I see this story as an example of a very NPResque genre: upper middle-class parents often get cancer and die, surprisingly almost as often (proportionally) as the parents of people who do not work for NPR. But in the case of the children of the upper middle-class it probably hurts more because it's the first significant suffering they have ever experienced.

edit: I also assume it's pretty difficult to reject a story about a dead parent's "simple rules for living," interesting celebrity-filled early life with some artistic potential gone unfulfilled due to the choice to settle down and have children, or their immigrant story. They have a sentimental appeal for some readers/listeners, and your sad staffer won't be turning one in every week.

The whole premise of the story is exactly what you say you wish it was.

Only from the perspective of the two dudes in the story. I love their healthy "it's no big deal" attitude to the whole thing. What I dislike (but understand) is the "unbelievable story" angle. Perhaps premise was the wrong word.

I'll try one more time and then I'll let it go. I enjoyed the story, and only wish it was less remarkable.

That works way better.

I agree that this should just be everyday normality. However there seems to be wave of recent popular articles and essays about an epidemic of loneliness. I think essays like this can serve as a positive example of how to interact with/behave towards others and hopefully try to improve social well-being. It’s certainly not the end, but I like to think it can help.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com