My advice for people wanting to try Rejection Therapy | Hacker News Reader

My advice for people wanting to try Rejection Therapy

jasonshen.com

45 pointsjasonshen12 comments

I used to be a confidence/game coach a couple of years ago, and a common theme would be that socially awkward people generally had a higher tolerance to rejection, and vice versa for more socially 'lubricated' people. In my eyes this was down to socially awkward people's lack of understanding of the whole social matrix (e.g. social norms, how you should act etc.) The catch-22 was that as they faced more rejections - and more importantly more interactions - their confidence & social skills improved, and their rejections started to hurt a lot more.

What I'm trying to get at is that in my experience the actual getting rejected part doesn't really help on it's own. Sure, it's great to understand that getting rejected doesn't matter, but beyond that the only thing that is really helping you are the skills you're learning along side the rejection. So in my student's case, a much more productive thing for them to do was to throw themselves into more challenging social situations.

I never thought about the fact that the rejections would hurt more as you get more socially aware. I do thing the rejection therapy challenge creates perverse incentives to ask for things outside of what you really want to get to make sure you get rejected, rather than asking for things right at the edge of your comfort zone. Thanks

I think introverts or those with social anxiety disorders have more to gain with Rejection Therapy than highly social extroverted people (like yourself).

You shouldn't do something really stupid?

Cop out:)

Ok, so I've pretty much done this to some insane extremes. Thing is, it's a lot easy to do it as a game than as part of life. Example: go tell a girl she is ugly as hell. A good % will ask you if you've a bet with someone; and indeed it's a lot harder to honestly express that than to do so as a challenge.

For people more interested, I'd check out this book called Radical Honesty. If you do this challenge and want to "graduate" to next level, that book is solid.

Jason, I've been keeping up with your Rejection Therapy challenge and it's been highly entertaining so far. Your comfort zone is certainly a lot broader than mine.

And that brings me to my point: you're more of a risk-taker than most, but it seems the game better serves people who are essentially handicapped because of a social anxiety disorder or introvertedness.

Since you're actually played it, and I haven't, you tell me. Am I right or wrong? Or is the game for anyone?

Hey Sharktankr - yeah I'd agree. After talking with Jason Comely (rinkjustice on HN) and understanding that he really created the game to push himself, I'd say it's better served for introverted people.

You can see it in his definition of what counts as a "rejection" - http://rejectiontherapy.com/what-counts-as-rejection/ it's supposed to be outside your comfort zone - so even smiling at a cute girl counts. Since I'm comfortable doing a lot of things, it's hard to for me to find rejections that are in this category that aren't really rude or dumb. Though sometimes I wonder if that is just an excuse I've created to not continue pushing myself. (aka I need to approach more beautiful women =D).

I do think the game can be fun for anyone and a valuable/educational experience. Where do you think you stand on the introvert/extrovert continuum?

I'm your classic introvert. I'm living vicariously through you :)

Living vicariously just doesn't cut it. You should seriously do it. We can tailor it so it's not too scary - email me: jasonyshen at gmail

I'm not ready yet, but it's seriously on the todo list. I'll let you know when I am :)

Thanks for pointing this out, I had never seen this rejection therapy before. It's similar to an idea of my own. I've been toying with creating a website for introverted/social phobic people that challenges them to get out and be more social.

> YOU MUST BE REJECTED BY ANOTHER PERSON AT LEAST ONCE, EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Being married counts?

Having been divorced, I'd say a big YES.

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