1) Attention (or executive functioning in general) is normally distributed, just like a lot of other human traits. If you don't doubt that intelligence is normally distributed (and that some people are smarter than other), what makes you think that there is no variability in executive functioning / attention?
Executive functioning also improves as brain develops, and that's why problems of younger kids are probably more noticeable.
2) Re: diagnosing using checklists and interviewing. That's literally how every other psychiatric disorder is diagnosed. Depression? Checklists and interviewing. Anxiety? Checklists and interviewing. Schizophrenia? Also checklists and interviewing.
Studies show that there are measurable differences between ADHD brains and normal brains. People complain that these are not used for diagnosis. The reason these scans are not used for diagnosis is because the resolution of common brain scan methods is not high enough, and these differences are seen on the population level.
3) Some graphs on brains differences: https://adhd-institute.com/burden-of-adhd/aetiology/neurobio...