I worked full time for a military contractor. When I arrived some of the products didn’t work very well. After I worked on some of these products, some of them became more efficient and effective. It was an opportunity for me to apply math and physics and engineering to solve very interesting problems (variously related to shortening human lifespan or rendering remaining lifespan more expensive).

Then one Tuesday 9/11 happened. That morning all my colleagues turned into homocidal maniacs (they were already that way, the event merely triggered the expression of that personality trait— only much later did I realize that this meant they were and are good decent people) bent on revenge and eager to kill. The stock of the company skyrocketed and we got huge raises. I finally had an opportunity to see some of my work in action and strangely became sick to my stomach when the products functioned well and was oddly relieved when the products functioned less well.

I eventually left the company and felt happy for the first time in years while I was unemployed.

The irony is now that I have more perspective in life, I realize that society truly values killing and maiming (and threatening to kill and maim) other people. People feel safer when they can credibly threaten others with physical harm. I realize I squandered a wonderful opportunity to serve society more by helping kill and maim even more efficiently. Perhaps in a sense I have gone full circle.