I have a baby and I’m doing a startup. Whoopie | Hacker News Reader

I have a baby and I’m doing a startup. Whoopie

tarathetiger.com

59 pointstarabrown23 comments

(Disclaimer: I don't have kids, and none of my close friends do. This is purely from observation.)

I think one thing that deserves more scrutiny is how hard it is to have a 'regular' W2 job and have a baby.

I've seen a few parents become entrepreneurs after having kids not because they want to work less (ha!), but because they want/need to work at odd hours, in odd places, with babies on their laps, without any heat/ politics/ favors/ specially negotiated deals at the day job.

In the US at least, any kind of unconventional work set-up can be kind of a pain in the butt (working from home, working 4 extremely long days, etc).

Having a kid could be a second great reason to have a start-up, in some cases.

I do have a kid and that's one of the main reasons that I'm starting a company. Need to work 4 days because the kid is home sick? No problem, I don't have to get it approved, ask anyone, none of that bullshit; just do it. Want to work from 3am to 10am and spend the rest of the day with him; just do it.

I know I'll work more, but the important thing is the freedom to work when. Being successful later in life is a big motivator as well and making sure he's more than provided for.

You're right to a point. The big benefit to working a regular job is that there's a whole infrastructure of day care, preschool, sports, music lessons, etc. built around your schedule. In a start up or even a job with odd hours this infrastructure doesn't work quite as well.

You're also right, to a point. :) I suspect that at some point in the past, and perhaps even today for some limited set of careers (though none that would really apply to anyone on HN), the regular job and the infrastructure are at odds more often that one might hope. Given commutes, expectations held by 'regular' employers, etc., so much of this is incredibly restrictive in this day and age.

For your examples and how they apply in my city, at least:

day care - Fingers crossed you never get stuck at work late, or caught in a nasty rush hour, because your day care has very specific pick-up hours, will charge you big-time if you are late, and good ones may very well fire you as a client if you are late too often.

preschool - Pre-school schedules are not even remotely aligned with 'regular' job hours.

sports - As but one example, do you have any idea the hours hockey moms and dads (not to mention the kids) keep so they can take part in their sport? It's no wonder there are hockey parent fight breakouts from time to time. The parents are exhausted! :)

music lessons - This one isn't so bad, especially as kids get older, but can be much like daycare in that if you're late from work your kids either miss their lesson or are stranded afterwards.

I, for one, would much rather restructure my life so as to work from home during hours that I more directly control than work a 'regular' job. It'll be easier to take advantage of much of the infrastructure, and would eliminate my need to even utilize some of it at all.

We had two kids within the lifespan of my second startup (the first I actually founded, and the first VC-funded company I worked at) from 1998-2001. It was hard. Erin got the short end of the stick. Still digging my way out of that hole.

Not all startups are created equal, and I suspect most of the people disagreeing with Jason's post aren't doing the same kinds of startups he's thinking of: VC-backed "swinging for the fences" startups. Or at least aren't at that stage yet.

That's awesome you're able to start a company, work from home, and be with your baby, but if you're the founder/CEO of a startup with millions of dollars of VC funding and dozens of employees things are likely very different.

Given where the founders are from, and the fact that they're seeking funding, it seems like it's exactly that kind of start-up it could become.

Ok, but it's not there yet, which is my point. I have yet to see an example of someone who did build, say, a $100+ million company, while raising a baby, and didn't regret it.

I do hope they can some day offer a counter example to Jason's (and my) hypothesis though.

Super! The image next to the homepage entry really rams it home, a friend of mine got a little statue from her dad to celebrate her status as a female entrepreneur, a lady on rollerskates with a cell phone in one hand, a bottle in the other, clutching a briefcase and feeding a baby at the same time.

She's a single mom on top of all of the 'normal' challenges this would bring, and she's doing an amazing job of it.

Colour me impressed, and keep at it, with a drive like that I'm sure you will succeed.

I'm doing a startup at the moment and we have a 3 month old. My wife is a surgery resident, so she works long hours and is not able to help out very much. I think the only reason we are able to do this is that we have my mother in law staying with us, and I work from home. It can be very hard at times to balance the schedule even with her helping. I get quite a lot of code done late at night when the baby is asleep, but the focused uninterrupted coding time that I used to be able to do just doesn't happen as often.

You really need to see the graphic on her homepage to appreciate this story even more: http://tarathetiger.com/

Another dimension to multitasking.

Key phrase: Many times I considered quitting because I just wanted to sleep. Unless you have raised a kid or two and are not a woman, it is unlikely that you can appreciate the sincerity of that simple statement.

and are not a woman

There are plenty of us fathers who can fully appreciate it, as well. Truly, it's just one of many (seemingly) little things that takes on a whole new meaning after child birth.

>Unless you have raised a kid or two and are not a woman, it is unlikely that you can appreciate the sincerity of that simple statement.

I don't understand this statement. To me it says "Unless you've raised children and are a man" then you can't understand the concept of needing to quit because of lack of sleep?

Why does it matter which sex you are. Personally, as a man, getting 3 hours sleep between a very full day of childcare and night of work and another round of the same makes me exhausted and has pushed me to very unhealthy behaviour.

Mix that with some poverty and I was considering quitting life.

"Unless you are not a woman, it is unlikely that..."

Triple negative in one sentence (unless, not and unlikely)? I can't even figure out what this really means. You should get deposed by lawyers, you could blow their brains with your answers :-)

I'm a guy, and I don't have a kid, but "whoopie" is basically what I thought when I saw those other articles.

I would think that a startup -- especially in the initial stages -- would be way easier to manage than a traditional 9-5 tech job you're already heavily obligated to. Of course a startup has a different set of challenges, but not having to attend to rigid meeting schedules and such could be quite a bit easier for child-rearing purposes.

Ripley and Noot? Someone has been watching a lot of Aliens.

Interesting read, though. I just became a father myself so these posts strike a chord with me.

I am impressed. My wife got tenure having two kids, so I have been there for the nights and the "honey I have to work late so this paper gets out" more than a few times. Now we have three kids and two companies. Its hard, but it can be done.

Great post, thanks for sharing it. the story about breastfeeding on the plane just a row away from somebody you were in a meeting with and then having to pump in the airport is the kind of stuff that guys (or for that matter women who aren't moms) don't have to deal with.

This remark (near the end of the piece) mirrors what I was thinking:

I mean come on, Jason Calacanis is rich, his wife stays at home and they have a night nanny. Not exactly a tough situation. What’s tough is single mothers and fathers trying to raise their kids by themselves. Me and the “Jasons” have supportive spouses who are at home for big chunks of time.

Yes, guilty as charged. We have the ability to have unlimited help.

HOWEVER, when you have a child you don't want to outsource it (at least if you're well adjusted from what I can tell). Do we have a full-time nanny? yes. A full-time house keeper? yes. night nurse, 24 hour folks? nope.

Basically i want to spend the weekend with the kid, not hand her off and go play poker for 12 hours.

well, that's not exactly true... i want to do everything, but realize that until we remove sleep from our list of needs, or develop clones, i've got to choose!

it's hard for EVERYONE, let alone those with limited resources. this is why i have big respect to SINGLE parents. can you imagine doing a startup AND raising a kid--alone!

they should make a move about that. :-)

I'm not suggesting you are "guilty" of anything. Just that reading what someone like you is doing to cope with such a situation isn't likely to help someone like me figure out how to move forward in terms of juggling all the things I have to deal with. And folks like me are probably a lot more abundant than folks like you. I have health problems, financial problems, am divorced and still have two sons living with me. They are both legal adults but neither has an income of their own and they are both special needs kids (as am I).

This is the best quality of life situation I have ever had and in some ways I am also fairly privileged: I still get substantial alimony (many women don't get substantial alimony long term) and I have some education and I'm reasonably intelligent. So I am not without assets of my own, even extraordinary/unusual assets. Still, I remain enormously frustrated with my own desire to start something on the side that might someday allow me to work from home and leave my day job -- which isn't simply a "want" in my case. Because of my health issues and the issues my sons have (one of whom has the same medical condition I have), we really need to make that happen.

So when I see pieces about how someone is juggling work, kids, and a side project, I read it in hopes it will help me. But people with a nanny probably don't have much to say that will help me move my goals and projects forward. That's a completely different sphere than the one I live in. That's all I'm saying. Has nothing to do with anyone being guilty of something.

Peace.

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