To make a friend, you have to be a friend. Pick up the phone and suggest an activity to someone you know casually. They'll all say 'no' because everyone is busy and no one past 30 likes to take a chance of dealing with another person in their life, especially if they already have a family or an already busy social life. So you have to try it again, and again.

Note: I don't do this. I have basically just one friend, and only because he does the above. I blow him off constantly, and yet every month or so I get at least one text inviting me over to a barbecue or golf or a movie. I don't think I'm particularly special to him, he just makes a habit of being social.

Personally, I can't stand the idea of putting myself out there like that. If I invite someone to do something once, and they say no, I'll never try again - and maybe I'll avoid them completely from that point on because I'm like that. My fragile little ego apparently can't deal with rejection. Yes, I hate being alone, but since I know what I need to do to change things but refuse to do what's required, I just have to accept loneliness as part of life.

So, you have two choices: Change what you're doing and put yourself out there, or accept your lot in life. (Option 3, I guess, is to find a spouse who's super social and will get you off your ass. I suspect that's how a majority of men my age get by.)

This just saved you thousands of dollars in therapist visits. You're welcome.

My theory is that bonds between people arise out of shared suffering/challenges. Thus lifelong friends were often at school together, or in the army, or somewhere else unpleasant, or at least occasionally so. There's reduced scope for this after the age of 30, obviously, unless you take up a dangerous sport or something else risky.

- Go to meetup.com events; most areas have some.

- Check out Facebook events.

- Some areas have couchsurfing events (hosting people on CF is also fun, but usually people move on after a few days at the most, although there are exceptions; I've hosted people looking to move in to my city).

- Volunteer somewhere (for example I volunteered at the local beerfest this week).

- Work in a coworking space or coffeeshop every once in a while if your job allows it.

- Dating apps are frustrating and annoying for a host of reasons, but they do work to meet people. I met a few (platonic) friends like that.

Basically, go where people are. A lot of the other people are also there to just meet people, so it all matches up.

I moved to New Zealand last month; and I lived in the UK for two years before that. In both cases; I didn't really know anyone there. This worked fairly well for me (I'm 33). British people aren't exactly known for being open, so a lot of my friends were/are expats like me.

Also don't be afraid to talk to people, or ask people if they want to do something if you're interested. I naturally tend (or rather, tended) to be somewhat socially anxious, but a lot of that has been better since I have been "forced" to go out and meet folk. Turns out, most of the time those kind of things are received positively.

If you think Bay Area is closed off never move to Seattle.

Join organizations that you find fun, interesting, or meaningful. Over time you should be able to form friendships with like minded people, provided you are friendly enough.

1. Go out whenever you can. For example free dancing lessons, yoga, IT conferences etc.

2. Try to rent some room and live with some students :) Super easy to make some friends that way.

3. Find people who have similar hobbies. If you don't have any hobby (programming doesn't count in real life) - then find some. Super easy to get some female friends if you gonna get into tailoring etc.