You probably just need a girlfriend (or a boyfriend). Getting laid on a regular basis makes all your imaginary existential issues disappear. Unless you're a character in a french movie...
My advice to the original poster is to print out a copy of that big long rant, and keep it in a drawer somewhere. Look at it once a year or so. When you get to the point that you can't read it without wanting to travel back in time and slap yourself for being so whiny and self-important, you'll know you've outgrown those issues.
I'm just kidding. This argument is getting ridiculous.