You can help it get better

I definitely see where Patton is coming from. I was heavily bullied early in school, then honed my "too cool for school" smart ass streak and said a lot of mean shit to a lot of people.

Once you get in the habit of finding smart ass comment for every situation, it's really, really hard to stop. It wasn't such a big deal as a plain old dev, but I'm managing other devs now and it's too easy to be an accidental asshole.

It would have been much easier if I never started. Now I've just got to try and watch my mouth and break the habit.

Despite the fact that the title is in all caps and its just a repost of a Myspace blog entry (which got deaded automatically when I tried to post here) I thought a lot of people here might enjoy this one.

Anyone ever seen the 30 Rock where she goes to her reunion, and the whole time, she thought she was bullied in middle school and high school, only to find out that everyone was terrified of her, because she made such cutting remarks?

"Hey, Liz, how's your new telescope?"

"I don't know Kelsey, how's your mom's pill addiction?"

I think a lot about that episode, and I thought more about it reading this blog post. I knew there was a reason Patton was one of my favorite comedians.

Surprised there aren't more comments on this, given the number of votes its received. So I'll share something.

I was always a bit of a weird one growing up, especially in high school. I got picked on a bit by various groups, sometimes even by other picked-on kids that wanted to assert themselves. None of it was that severe and there were kids that had it worse. I had friends, and I got along with most people, but I was always a little bit of an outsider, and even my friends thought I was weird. I never fit in with any one group.

But I always felt like it was them that was f'ed up, not me. I never really lost confidence that I was okay, and that I was okay being myself, although it was lonely at times. Looking back I think it affected me more than I realize, because I was pretty anti-social for a while in my late-teen years. I don't have any friends from high school or earlier that I really keep in touch with.

Things started to get better in my second year of college, and I can honestly say that they've gotten better each year since. I moved away from my home state as soon as I finished college, and it's made all the difference. I couldn't be happier with my adult life, I have a lovely family, a good job and lots of friends. Sometimes I think that if I had fit in better as a kid I might have stayed close to home and missed out on the experiences that I've had as an adult. I don't think I'd change a thing.

So I would say to any kid that it's okay to be weird or different; embrace it and don't let anyone make you feel bad about it.

When I was that age, almost every piece of advice that came from adults seemed completely unworkable. Even if it was good advice, my brain couldn't process it in that way. I just heard some authority figure lecturing me again, and the thing to do was to appear compliant and get the lecture over with as soon as possible.

I don't think it hurts anything to post advice like this directed at kids, but I have my doubts about how much good it does.

If you really want to change the behavior of 13 year old boys, get some reasonably cool 15 and 16 year old boys to preach your message. That might be a bit of a trick in itself, though.

This is a great message for those of you who have middle and high schoolers (or the equivalent thereof). Show this to them, swearing and all.

This message also needs to be sent to the parents of the witty shadows of bullies. Which is where those of us with kids probably come in.

After all, I was the same shadow for a time... and I think many smart kids are, especially after doing a stint in that awkward phase and then realizing that they are, in fact smarter than their tormentors. My folks are smart and admit to having been bullied and using wit to deflect it, but I was never cautioned against bullying others; it was just assumed that I'd do what it took not to be a mark.

And so I need to admonish my kids not to compromise like I did... because we all know that the 10-year-olds that we parent and influence probably won't figure this out until maybe it's too late for some other kid.