Why the hostility? Since we're thinking at the level of cartoons, here's a fun one: http://kvardek-du.kerno.org/2010/01/how-common-lisp-programm... Note the third row's distinct family orientation...
While I have no problem with "Scheme is Spock", I'd put Captain Pike in his beeping wheelchair in the CLISP slot, and Clojure is clearly Kirk: All but married to the Enterprise.
But whooo, there's some tactless stuff in those PHP and Forth slots. And Javascript's a Scotty-type lang now, it's for getting engineering done.