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Comment by njharman | Hacker News Reader

That was mostly about forgetting people. Not about forgetting their names. Very different.

I rarely forget someone. I also rarely remember their name, even after being told it multiple times. When I meet people I totally tune out when they say their name, partially cause I'm socially nervous, but also my mind is jumping ahead thinking about interesting things/questions, like what they do or the meaning of their t-shirt slogan. I just don't find names interesting themselves... They're just labels. And labels don't matter, they things being labeled do.

But there is also some sort of mental block, like a brain stutter, going on. Cause I often(like 1/2 month) can't bring to my lips names of best friends, people I've known years interact with weekly if not daily. It's usually only a few seconds or a minute before I can get their name. But, it's weird and low-level worries me.

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> When I meet people I totally tune out when they say their name, partially cause I'm socially nervous, but also my mind is jumping ahead thinking about interesting things/questions, like what they do or the meaning of their t-shirt slogan.

I often forget people's names because when I meet someone new I'm so busy thinking "don't forget their name!" that I don't really hear their name properly.

If it's of any help, everything you just said exactly applies to me as well, in exactly the same way you said it.

Spared me from writing this comment I guess, lol

Ditto. I'm awful with names and much of what the grandparent wrote applies to me.

Couple of things that sometimes help, thought not as much as I wished they did -

In meetings, I have a notepad out and write them down. Or ask for business cards. Sometimes with cards I can't remember which belonged to whom, but it narrows the possibilities way down, at least.

Sometimes if I can quickly think of someone else I know with the same name, it will anchor it a bit for me. Without repetition I'll just forget it later, but it gets me through a conversation.

I have a trick. Soon after I meet someone, I scribble their name and some interesting characteristic of theirs into a Google Docs document on my phone.

e.g. Anna, teacher with dreadlocks.

Then the next time I see them from afar, I whip out my phone to refresh my memory. And then I go up to them and say hi.

I rarely forget details about a person, so making conversation is not hard. It's their name I keep forgetting. Writing that down has helped immensely.

Why Google Docs and not Contacts?

Less friction to enter free-form text in Google Docs than in Contacts.

It takes more taps enter details in Contacts, not to mention the Last Name, First Name are fields with limited visible length, and scrolling left-to-right on a phone is tedious.

Also I don't want to pollute my contact list with the 10-11 Annas that have no last names, but have descriptors like "has dreadlocks" or "met at conference".

I’m starting to use Google Keep more and more for this. Seems to be better organized (for me) for digital jotpads. However it is much more limited in the text editing/word processing ability. However, I really don’t need that for quick notes.

I repeat a person’s name as I introduce myself, yet it’s completely reflexive (“Hi X, I’m Y.”). I don’t internalize the name and then I don’t know it a few seconds later. I developed stressful coping mechanisms in college to hide this, but have since learned to be very proactive about advising people that I often forget names and will need to ask later. I don’t feel any shame or awkwardness when I have to ask because this disarms the situation.

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