Every community that I've ever witnessed gets toxic at some point. As in-groups grow more insular and people become more involved, they get more toxic. But the solution to this phenomenon doesn't have to be black & white. I have always stayed on the margins of communities, and still dip my toes in the water occasionally to get something done. But do I need to keep private forks of patches to avoid messy interactions? Nope.
It's pretty easy to fire off a pull request or patch set and then forget about it. I'm not investing great deals of effort or emotion. I'm just sharing my crap. If they merge it, fine, if they don't, fine. But I'm certainly not keeping super secret private repos for just the cool kids to use. That would be even more involved than what little I am already.