The Best Article Ever Written About Bragging

When there is some real external test of skill, it isn't painful to be at the bottom of the hierarchy. A rookie on a football team doesn't resent the skill of the veteran; he hopes to be like him one day and is happy to have the chance to learn from him. The veteran may in turn feel a sense of noblesse oblige. And most importantly, their status depends on how well they do against opponents, not on whether they can push the other down.

It is nice to be in a group where people can do praise-worthy things and be praised for them. And, as the conclusion addresses, it is nice to give praise when due. This norm can be eroded by braggers. But it can also be eroded by people taking any mention of an accomplishment as a slight.

For example, the Oxford anecdote seems like the author going out of his way to feel slighted and assume malice. The excited salesperson anecdote is similar. Do others have a duty to mask excitement out of worry that it could be interpreted as bragging?

One of the best habits I have adopted is muttering "good on them" and moving along when an emotion suspiciously similar to jealously starts bubbling up.

It could also be that they just don't have strong enough rapport with you that they'd feel sharing all those things with you, I don't know. Maybe next time tease them with something along the lines "c'mon I know you've been up to something". But take your time, don't expect things to change immediately.

I love it how you used "Reflected Glory Bragging" (point 9) right here! It's great, I'm upvoting your comment :)

I'm not sure sharing should be conflated with bragging. You can talk about things you're doing or building without being excessively proud or boastful.

The problem here is not lack of bragging, but lack of a desire to share something that others would enjoy.

As usual, solving this for oneself, and always having something curious and smalltalk-worthy on hand can solve it for everyone around.

> Hi less_penguiny - absolutely loved this article. > Brilliant writing.

Bragging about your good taste.

> I'm also finding myself thinking a lot about social interactions, especially the dumb nonsense vast swathes of our populations carry out, and being currently in the middle of Desmond Morris "Human Zoo" (brilliant, slightly dated, but you'll love it if you're not familiar) your piece really struck a chord - particularly with "Bragging is personally imposing what-you-believe-to-be status-elevating thoughts on your audience". Status, tribes, dominance, all seem explain so much modern phenomena from a species which ought to know better.

Also a brag: "I'm so much more aware than the rest of them average people". Followed by one-upmanship brag: book recommendation.

> In "About" you write "I was heartbroken by the tumbleweed response I got for my last writing project, so I don’t intend to spin my wheels writing in vain again."

> Please don't feel discouraged I get much the same on pretty much every submission I post here, so it's not you, per se! Writing is the easy and fun part, but like a startup I suspect promotion, networking, and all that play a big part. Being an established name makes a huge difference too - it all gets much harder if you don't have a large following.

Another "I've been here long enough" brag.

I've got a mailing list: https://www.lesspenguiny.com/email_subscribers/new

Both Twitter and Facebook suspended my newly created accounts for this project – I think they took offense to my entering first name "Less", surname: "Penguiny"

Funny aside: Facebook's tool to un-suspend my account asked me to submit a photo. I uploaded a photo of a penguin, since that's my profile photo, the only one they have of me in their system.

"Sorry, your photo could not be recognized".

Anyway, keep it up!

In business unlike socially it's actually part of the job - or it should be if you want to achieve certain goals: bonus, promotion, peer recognition. Even avoiding layoffs could come down to how well you communicate the good work you're doing.

This does not come naturally to many of us in this sector, but once you are aware of the need for it, there are ways to promote yourself authentically and without being too much of a show-off.

The answer, and the article gets at this in the last section, is a variety of anxious human emotional impulses. I guess we knew that, but the way the article teased it apart was interesting for me anyway.

So the intention of the article was partially to do exactly this, but I didn't want the tone to be too heavy-handed or self-helpy so I relegated this information to being between the lines. If you take a look at the number of penguins I gave each technique, that roughly correlates to how positively I view each bragging technique. As the website name suggests, the less penguins the better!

One is to lower your threshold for what you count as being bragging — sometimes people are just sharing and they don't mean any harm. And sometimes they just really need validation. But then again, despite their benign intentions, hearing their status might sting, especially if things aren't going your way lately.

Another option is to poke fun at them, assuming you are on joking terms yadayada. E.g. I caught myself bragging about the achievements of my previous business partner at a party last weekend and the room was having none of it. As soon as I finished my sentence, they erupted into "woopdey doo" or (impersonating me) "I don't mean to brag or anything!!"

So there's that.

Indeed I had a whole section on what people brag about (deals being one of them, as well as "potential" or being c-r-a-z-y). I plan on releasing this stuff soon.

For example, they will instantly switch from friendly to standoffish, or they will redirect the whole conversation to be about this new information, or will start treating their interlocutor as a superior, or asking for some advice/help, or...

It’s not clear whether they have some insecurity about their own education, or just curiosity, or what, but it can be a real drag.

A different group consider themselves to be similarly elite, and will also completely change their conversation when they find another of their tribe, e.g. start talking about how much better “we” are than those rabble in a clubby way. This can also be super annoying.

I assume something similar happens when people find out you are rich, or won a prize, or have famous friends, etc., but “where did you go to school?” is a more common ice breaker than “how fat is your savings account?”

Deflection can save a lot of trouble.

Admittedly, if you work for a let's say a GAFA, you can probably safely assume people know the name. But for let's say MIT, I'd very curious to know which percentage of the us population actually know the name and attach it to academic excellence.

Just trying to help - not attempting to brag that I'm better than you in any way :-)

Think you're pure in heart?

Well, I know I'm a million times as humble as thou art"

How is that figure of speech called in English?

I also noticed that freelance stuff gets bragged about more often — how big their last contract was closed for, or what daily rate they got from a client.

The idea behind the pictures isn't so much about them being useful (they mostly aren't — I'm well aware of that). Instead it's about breaking up the wall of text and adding visual variety so as to prevent reader fatigue.

It's a tip I picked up from reading the Star Slate Codex piece on writing: http://slatestarcodex.com/2016/02/20/writing-advice/

Also: HN readers != average internet readers

Take it from a socially clueless person, some of us don't know the answers to these questions. :)