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By the time the new UI has loaded in and stopped churning, I'm up to 225 requests, pulling down over 5mb. Most of these seem to be tiny pngs for button icons... Why aren't these spritesheeted?

Basic view is 9 requests for 24 kb...

5mb!? Wth!

Wasn't http2 supposed to solve this?

Save all of the assets that are loaded? I suspect that if you published your asset bundle, others would figure out the greasemonkey script to let you just keep that UI until they change their APIs. :)

Lucky you! Don't turn off the computer!

I would assume that a huge majority of the load time is fetching data from Google's servers - not a CPU or memory intensive operation

In case of basic HTML - yes. In case of new update - it's pretty CPU intensive (and GPU too, at least on my laptop's Haswell iGPU with hidpi screen).

Usually that’s <120ms. JavaScript is typically the most intensive op.