It is absolutely possible to be kind when giving honest and constructive feedback and criticism. Empathy is a skill this industry needs to develop.
Most malicious people I've encountered in my career are the types that comes with smiles, corporate language and all that stuff.
It is this attitude that drives people, and especially women and minorities, away from tech.
I think not working like this may be even weird for some of my foreign coworkers.
The things Linus has said on LKML would be fireable offenses at most companies and I'm having a mini anxiety thing at the number of people here who desperately want an excuse to be unrepentant assholes.
Even if he wasn't, I'd accept that from time to time people do make mistakes and behaves stupid, and life goes on.
Don't insult or belittle the person. Learn to critique without being an asshole about it.
On the other hand: take criticism of your work without taking it personally. That's arguably a lot harder than the former, but it's gotta be done. It helps a lot when the person isn't being an asshole about the criticism though :)
False dichotomy.
>Most malicious people I've encountered in my career are the types that comes with smiles, corporate language and all that stuff.
Also a false dichotomy.
Most effective people I've encountered in my career are direct and empathetic.
I'll merely link to the comment I wrote the last time this was discussed:
Sure, but that's a terrible example because a lot of what goes on in companies is more about appearance than substance.
Naturally, the individuals who argued against these changes were older white male engineers too ingrained in their ways.
That says nothing bout the efficacy of the policy in terms of getting things done though. It is true that it is usually possible to be honest without being abrasive, however it is my experience that abrasive honesty is worth a lot more than polite dishonesty when it comes to getting things done. So in that way, "at least he's honest" makes sense.
And educating people with four-letter words is a highly effective way to get people to fall in line with your culture, rather than allowing them to go around half-cocked all the time.
A well-placed "fuck you" keeps people humble. Spare the rod and all that.
20 years experience, C-level, and my direct reports love me.
>20 years experience, C-level, and my direct reports love me.
I was once part of a volunteer group that had a lot of nastiness. I learned one thing from it. The way to get a group that is very harmonious and on the same page is to ensure the leader is a big enough jerk that whoever disagrees eventually leaves. Those who remain are of the same mindset as the leader.
Yes the industry needs change, but in the way of having less bullshit, not more.
If empathy is a critical skill that can be developed, then it should be made part of the school curriculum and graded.