Why I eat alone and probably you should too
planetunknown.blogspot.com
planetunknown.blogspot.com
Getting to know colleagues from different parts of the business will greatly expand future career opportunities. Lunch is the best way to do this, followed by happy hours and other after work activities.
Simply put, the author doesn't seem to put much value in other people. That's not something I can get behind.
You want to connect with people so you are finding the extra time. This guy wants to do his projects so he wants to minimize social hours.
You are completely ignoring his objective because you are so focused on yours.
If you're really worried about them claiming ownership, haul your things to an outdoor seating area or sit in your car and do it there.
This is just bizarre to me. I'm not the worlds most extroverted person, but creating and maintaining social relationships at work has been the single most powerful thing I have ever done to: Learn new things, advance my career, form mentoring relationships (both as a mentor or mentee), try new foods (one of the great joys in my life)etc....
If you aren't getting anything valuable from lunch with other people, you are doing it wrong.
Trial and error + filtering other people's opinions.
Many employees kept internal blogs on things they were working on (including CEO Chambers). Employees also had keywords for things they liked to do or were good at (C#, starcraft, hiking, investing, etc would be someone's keywords). There were also a lot of mailing lists to search to find people who liked to do things together (pythonistas, bxb-cycling, bikers, etc)
Other than that there was simply reputation (this is the 'filtering other people's opinions' bit). J.C., for instance, was known around the office as being a hilarious guy and just great to talk to. S.D. knew everything in the world about firewalls. D.C. was a great artist, yada yada...
I guess it really depends on how your company is set up and how comfortable you are approaching people.
I don't want to question the author's honesty when he's saying he's not a anti-social geek who never talks to other people, even though sometimes we're all oblivious to how we look to the world.
But if you follow that advice, you're going to be in real danger of turning into one.
However, whatever project I'm working on, I prefer to use the meals as meetings. Since everyone has to stop for a meal at some point, they seem like useful points to gather people around and regroup.
I met a guy who installed sprinkler systems in rich people's lawns. He worked all Spring/Summer/less during the Fall and took off to Barbados or Jamaica for the remaining 3-4 months of the year.
Since the onset of the recession, picking up work has taken slightly more effort, though I've been lucky in that corporations seem more interested now in developing with some of the web frameworks that became available for PHP, and I have a track record with frameworks like Symfony.
For myself, I find that large portions of my time belong to someone else; my family, my job, my church. And once I carve out that time for others I am often left with only a couple hours here or there. And it seems laborious to fill that time with what would otherwise be considered work.
I think if you look at what you think is your other times, you'll find that those times have benefits for you and as such belong to you. If you think those times belong to someone else, you are living your life in the wrong way. This is what I think he meant.
It shouldn't be about what you can get from others but rather what you have to give.
You give because you think it's right and when you do something right, it makes you feel good.
I do agree with you that everything would be so much better if everyone went around giving but in this world not everyone does. Since some cheat, the fairest is to deal in transactions.
Or my favorite thought of the day.
If I have but one life to live, why not live for me?
In the long term, I made a commitment to myself by procreating, that I would take care of the resulting child. My own honor, which feels good to uphold, keeps me with the child.
As far as the long term goes, I understand where you're coming from. It's a bit of a semantic game, as it's not too hard to argue that altruism is impossible and everything is ultimately done for yourself. That said, I think we differ here. I don't find the argument that everyone is equally selfish (only with different wants) compelling.
It gets complicated from here, though. You have to ask where these wants come from. Why does one person want the warmth of the needle, versus another wanting to change her child's diaper. Perhaps the ultimate selfless act is subjugating your wants in the first place, though I imagine you could argue this is also a selfish act. It could probably go on like this forever, but at some point you realize some people's circle of concern is bigger than themselves, and there must be something to this.
For instance, I can be selfish all I want but eventually, I cannot do everything myself. I will need other people to help me out in life. It's not selfish in the sense of what you learn in pre-school, it's self preservation.
I think the better question would be, what about the person that does not want to give their life for others? How will you judge them? As far as I see it, it does no good to give my life for others if I'm not going to be around to enjoy it. There's only one life to live right?
on the other hand, i am a big proponent of setting up lunch meetings with one other individual. you can plan ahead what you want to discuss, and more than anything, you open yourself up to their entire network. think about how powerful that is!
i guarantee they know at least one person "you should meet..."
at the same time, don't force a lunch meeting when there's always plenty of quality videos to watch or reading to be done during a break.
especially if they operate a company that appeals to the b2c market, it's essential for them to understand how the younger demographic perceives and digests in an ever-changing marketplace.
Breakfast alone, no problem. In fact I always have breakfast at my desk while I work. But my morning work is so intense that by 11 or 12, I have to get away from my computer. Lunch with someone else is the perfect break. We talk about all kinds of things: everything except work.
I can't imagine using my lunch break to do other work, no matter what it was.
My afternoon is usually another strong burst and by 4 or so, I'm ready for exercise and then dinner with SO. Whether we eat at home or at a restaurant, I can't imagine missing it. Then comes visit with family and another 3 or 4 hours after that.
Contrary to OP, I need meals with others to get away and recharge. My day (and my life) has many sprints, but it's the still a marathon that needs to be paced.
On the upside, this would've been an interesting personal experiment if I figured out how to apply to my sprint of a day.
Nobody forces us to take these breaks. It is an intuitive feeling that we use to relax ourselves. For a week or two, this may seem to work else - this advice would be a disaster if attempted to turn this to a habit.
Lunch topics - the worldly events do matter. I for one don't follow mainstream news. I get an abridged snapshot of events during these breaks. Not knowing anything makes worse at being a people person. Not Everything is about hacking. It's about weighing wants vs needs.
Also to add, breaks are not only about eating/drinking/smoking/conversing.It may also be a sit alone time not doing work. I usually go out to the balcony and look at the trees or birds flying. It's my natural reset button to stuck problems.
Eating alone with just my food and thoughts or socializing have both improved my work output and mood.
For people that have lunch access to talented resources they can learn more from that hour and can it be the best hour of your entire day.
To summarize, don't waste time on non-productive activities... everyone will agree with that... for all of the readers lunch has the opportunity to be more than just the latest office or industry gossip... find those good lunches and capitalize on them.
To me, this emphasizes something that I realized at Startup School. This difference between those who find time to make something and those who don't is that the ones who really want it find the time, even if they have a day job, because they simply want it more.
Bravo, great post.
On the other side, i really like the experiment behind the shower ;)
But yeah if it's random fluff stuff it's not something I'd want to do every day, when I was interning I spent quiet a few of the sunny days going for walks alone in the surrounding parklands, was relaxing and put me in a better fram of mind than sitting around the office like most of the people I was working with did.
Writing my thesis recently, I spend plenty of time going off on tangents, sometimes related, sometimes not. Or going for a walk or a ride just to let ideas sit in my unconscious mind.
Also, please focus on the task at hand when you are driving. :)