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Comment by toomuchtodo | Hacker News Reader

While I'm not suggesting it to anyone, your passport still work as long as you have no outstanding child support judgements.

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Oh man the thought crossed my mind many times during the divorce process. Especially as a programmer who, at the time, had a boss who mostly had business in India and would have loved a programmer in Asia.

(Un)Fortunately I met a girl I plan to marry(haha yeah I don't learn) so I'm trying to stay legal and not forfeit my ability to freely return to the US.

If, for some reason, the second marriage goes south I'm not divorcing. I'm just leaving. I've already discussed it with my girlfriend and she gets it.

Could you not get a prenup?

How enforceable are prenups?

Extremely assuming they are done by good lawyers and that both parties are represented. (YMMV depending on jurisdiction, of course.)

Yeah that's the key. Both parties must have representation.

The thing you're not implicitly suggesting isn't even really helpful since your assets are likely held in American institutions that will respond to legal claims against your holdings there.

You might be able to flee overseas, but that doesn't help if your money is still here.

Sure. But then you need to play it cool, and gradually shift assets to secure forms and/or places.

The first thing a divorce attorney will do is place a QDRO (qualified domestic restraining order) on any accounts with substantial assets. This prevents you from moving money out of these accounts.

It's almost like the legal system has figured out that some people might try and run with the money, and have taken measures to stop that.

Yes, but the key is seeing the divorce coming, and deciding then to play it both ways. Express commitment to working out problems. And also start hiding resources. Cryptocurrencies are now an affordable low-end option, for those who couldn't workably cover more traditional methods.

And yes, it sounds horrible. But really, it's not that different from having savings, in case of job loss or health problems. And hey, I suppose that two divorces have left me paranoid. Or maybe I'm just not suited for marriage. I mean, I know that I'm not suited for full-time employment ;)

I went into divorce naively. I was toughing it out in a crappy marriage, alternating between being suicidal or whacked out on booze/pot/pills/etc. One night I jokingly suggested divorce to my parents and they took me seriously and encouraged it. I didn't seriously consider it as a possibility until that moment. If I had my head on straight, I would have acted differently(switched jobs, taken a mental health break, stashed funds, etc). Instead, I did the right thing and split the $30k cash, kept my high paying job(which ended during the divorce anyway) and tried to help her choose good representation. It ended up screwing me.

Damn. That's horrible. I empathize. Leading up to divorces, I've been suicidal and escaped using drugs. And when it came down to it, I've also made an effort to be fair.

But in my case, my ex-wives also made efforts to be fair. So it worked out OK for us. And both of them remain good friends. One of my ex-girlfriends is one of my wife's best friends. Almost a sister ;) I acknowledge Landmark Education for that :)

Here's a funny story. My second wife and I did a no-fault divorce, and hired an attorney to handle the paperwork. But he fucked up, so we sued him in small claims court to recover the fees that we'd paid him :)

Haha nice.

We started out amicable but then we got a mediator who sided with my ex and immediately set the expectation that I'd be paying $4,650/month for 17 years(until she hit retirement age. The marriage was 19 years.). I countered with $2,600/mo and things stalled. Then she got mad one day and took a swing at me, forcing me to sleep on a friend's couch until she vacated the house. Finally we lawyered up. She moved out of state so I got to deal with her lawyer and found that her lawyer thought she was a nutcase. I mentioned the original mediator's suggested support amount and she was astonished. Her lawyer said she should have taken the $2,600/mo and been happy.

Right now I'm paying $3,200/mo and that lasts for 3 years, then I pay for a vocational evaluation and take her back to court(for $10k-$100k according to my lawyer). Hopefully the judge will reduce the amount at that point. Fortunately in California the prevailing attitude now seems to be that alimony is temporary and transitional, so I'm hoping I don't have to pay indefinitely.

> And also start hiding resources.

Good luck with that when you have to provide account statements going back years.

It depends a lot on the amounts involved. Sure, you can't move $100K (or even multiple $9K) from bank accounts without government oversight. But it's not that hard to divert cash more gradually, over time. I mean, I managed to casually acquire $50K in gold over a few years, buying for cash at swap meets.

And yes, if you've diverted a lot, it might be prudent to relocate to some safe haven, before the fit hits the shan.

Not too hard. You just start pulling out cash and if anyone asks you claim an addiction(drugs, gambling, sex, etc).

Do you not understand that this would not get you out of your financial obligations in a divorce?

Strangely enough my ex is so lazy that it's been 9 months since the divorce finalized and the QDRO hasn't been filed. If I was an asshole I'd cash out my 401(k), turn it into BTC and move to some country with a nice beach and no extradition treaty.

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