Ask HN: How do I learn how to handle feelings and problems

Feelings are new to me for reasons not relevant to the question. I am talking about feelings in the spectrum that aren't near rage, ecstasy or depression. There are many more feelings to be felt out there. Frustration, jealousy, envy, disappointment, hurt by someone else's words, disagreements.

There are other more complex combinations of feelings I haven't mentioned because I have not yet learned to recognize and identify them.

My question is relate to a problem in a relationship. I'm stuck right now in either total submission or over the top explosive reaction. I won't do the latter again.

Is there a resource or resources that can enable me to learn enough about the variations of feelings to identify and understand them.

Following that, how can I identify, address and resolve problems I have with other people either doing or not doing things I want. That includes dealing with someone not willing to change their behavior. In that case only I can change my perspective but I'm not sure how to do that either.

I sure wish there was an O'Reilly book on this.