I only realised how insignificant I really was when several years ago, I stumbled upon Quora and the various 'How do I join Google' questions, and even more when discovered HN and what proper software development really is like.
HN has given me a huge imposter syndrome while at the same time given me the resources to really educate myself and learn more about making things flash on a monitor.
Nowadays, I do it simply because I enjoy it.
Once I figured that out and learned to trust it, I stopped thinking in terms of big conscious motivations and instead just started looking at the unconscious roadblocks that were in front of me. If something was getting in the way of where I seemed to be going, or if I noticed myself charting weird paths around some thing in avoidance, I'd start looking closer at why and gradually free myself of the hinderance.
There are plenty more such blocks for me to find and work through, but this method feels more balanced and more effective than any motivation-centered paradigm ever seemed to.
Due to some life circumstances, i grew up feeling that i am not deserving of being where i am at and that at i am the worst person in any given room.
I came to embrace these feelings because they motivate me to keep improving my life on a daily basis.
I enjoy eating, having a home, feeding my children, and playing games. So, I do what I have to do to keep that going. Everything else requires effort for me to even start and once I'm going, even more effort to maintain.
I love to learn, I like science, to analyze and to attempt to shape our information environment. This act of discovery is also great on a personal level, but that was a stronger factor when I was younger. Well and I love people (though I have sympathy for many, that doesn't mean I'm not selective on whom to spend my time with). Some hedonistic sprinkles on top are also welcome (music, travel, good food, a beer).
If I could I would divide my time between exactly those things: 1/3 learning, 1/3 building, 1/3 people and all at a nice place with good food.
Probably we should flip the mental script and say that this definition of minimisation of suffering has effective altruism as a local minima, and painless and unconscious death as a global minima, because it eliminates all suffering immediately and thus would be the perfect solution.
Death is considered almost univocally bad, so perhaps this definition of doing good should also take some type of maximization of subjective happiness into account.
I think people actually enjoy purposeful suffering. That's even what many games bring about. A life without suffering is boring.
But we don't want unnecessary suffering. Like parasites. Or having to walk 5 km for a barrel of clean water.
Suffering in the aid of others, like bringing a barrel of clean water over 5 km for your family, is actuallu very satisfying though. More so than, say, getting 5 customers through a day of telemarketing.
It is rare to see someone able to make this their direct passion and drive.
Related: In my personal experience this is the ultimate macro driver (net positive gains in world emotion - decreasing 'suffering emotion', increasing 'happy emotion') but for micro day to day, it's a huge weight and can be an overwhelming self-burden, so different small scale motivators are needed.
Related: I wish that there was a unanimous (or more widely accepted) structure for mapping emotion to as-objective-as-possible values (acknowledging the vast nuance of emotion, hormones-et-al, subjective experience etc.). Or in other words, subjective experience and (practically fractal) complexity of the problem make it difficult to slap figures on externalities to offset them.
I believe a person achieves this day to day by focusing on the goal, and then extrapolating backwards to what is going on each day, each month, that is working towards that goal. I believe a person can contribute by focusing on a couple important categories:
1. Economic: Accumulating wealth gives you tremendous leverage to affect change in a positive way. Informing people of issues and remedies. The ability to improve and affect infrastructure and policies to be more communal and social. Putting dollars behind improving global medicine and technology for good.
2. Inspiration and Information: Assisting grassroots movements to better the world, spreading factual information, creating new science, writing, big ideas, and art. Basically, what has good chances of improving the well being of people and animals without simply economic might.
In the end, you'll have moved the needle and can hopefully get many other people to move the needle forwards too. Society is approaching a point where we have the opportunity to finally make all livelihood well off, without the immense pain and destruction that has occurred in the past. It's because of the people in the past who pushed us forward, and the onus is on us today.
And if not that, I feel a certain sense of "honor", for lack of a better word, in meeting my commitments and doing what I said I'd do.
2. need x amount of money/y amount of vacation time
3. target next company
4. requires certain technologies
5. study/practice
6. interview
7. success / Failure (go back to step 5)
Every day I want to earn more than the day before.