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Comment by mrhappyunhappy | Hacker News Reader

My wife used to do this shit nonstop for years - drove me crazy. She seems to have stopped since having a baby - reason being too busy?

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With respect, "this shit" and "drove ME crazy" don't sound all that empathetic. This is a disorder that people can't help, and are often very embarrassed by. I think the right way to handle it is to be supportive in trying to help get treatment, while making clear it has zero impact on how you view them as a person.

Not saying you're not doing that, but just a good reminder. I have someone close to me that suffers from this (and is embarrassed by it) and it's helped both of us to sort of view it as a biological quirk/defect (like wearing glasses) vs something really shameful.

With respect, the full quote included the word "nonstop". Someone with OCD-like behaviour can drive you crazy. My partner has autism like I do (and my autism drives her crazy, at times, though I also omit e.g. picking my nose around her), and she's on a witchhunt with certain things such as pimples on my and her body (even though its less painful if I do it myself), dark (small) hairs on her chin/legs (she's brunette), the few hours which form a vague unibrow on me, hair on our ears. I get it if the reason is ingrown hairs, I really do. But the other stuff seems over the top. She also has a plethora of cleaning and hygiene rules which might make sense but are outliers (for example the cats are exempt). I can totally imagine someone who's going through such can sometimes use harsh words to vent their frustration. It isn't chique, I agree.

Empathy ended after it ran its course.

I do this and it drives my wife crazy. The kicker is that she finds it relaxing when I play with her hair and she is ok if I do that but not when I do it to myself.

Having a baby can have significant biological impact on the mother. It can have all kinds of fallout.

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