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Comment by prawn | Hacker News Reader

I think that's one influence, but a great many people do it to impress their friends. You don't want to be the couple that had that bland, short wedding where there were no hook-ups, the dancefloor didn't go nuts, that one person didn't embarrass themselves, no one kicked on afterwards until 4am and people still weren't talking about it years later, do you?

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To facilitate most of these things you don't need to spend loads of money, you just need abundant alcohol.

A wedding need neither be bland nor short to be cheap; hook-ups, dance floors, embarrassment and kicking it until 4am don't require that much money.

One of the few episodes of Friends that I watched was where Chandler and Monica were planning their wedding. Chandler told Monica how much money (cash) he had and she said something like "Now we can go with my Plan A wedding" and Chandler said "We're not spending all my money on one party", to which Monica responded "Don't call my wedding a party!"

It'd be nice to think that this was intended and took as a spoof of the conspicuous consumption that big weddings are, but I suspect that, considering the target audience, there was a lot of nodding all around.

You know that and I know that, but I don't think a lot of people realise it (certainly not in the flurry of planning). Every chick says "I don't want it to be over the top, I just want it to be more like a party where everyone has fun." Fast forward a few months and the bill includes chair covers, marquee, crockery and cutlery hire, catering, lighting, and the list goes on and on.

This is true. We had a cash bar, and opted for the cheapest chairs and people had to use paper napkins and plastic utensils to eat their BBQ off of paper plates (gasp!).

But the part friends & family still talk about years later is, "Hey, remember when your German Shepherd was your ring-bearer at your wedding, and you sent her running down the aisle? That was great!"

Doesn't take money to be entertaining.

Yes. Many of us don't give a rats ass about impressing anyone, that's not the point of a wedding.

Yes it is!

The problem is a cultural narrative of "this is my perfect day!" This is what creates bridezilla out of otherwise very nice (but, not self-aware-enough) women.

That's the female narrative, we're on hacker news, I was assuming he was asking the male point of view. I certainly don't know any men who thought "this is my perfect day".

It's a wedding. In the majority of cases, the male point of view is irrelevant.

Also, as I said elsewhere in this thread, what a woman might say in theory or outside of planning mode is often quite different to how they'll act once things get real.

(Recently married for the second time, FWIW.)

> It's a wedding. In the majority of cases, the male point of view is irrelevant.

Which is probably why so many marriages end in divorce. If she's not mature enough to know the real purpose of a wedding and thinks it's about having her day to show off to her friends, then she's just not mature enough and she's selfish.

Catch her the second or third time around and see if she hasn't smartened up a bit and if the man's point of view doesn't carry more weight now.

> Recently married for the second time, FWIW.

Good luck with that!

Are you suggesting that a woman being obsessive about her wedding day is a character flaw?

I understand that they want the day to go well, since it is significant. But there's no need to step on people to achieve it.

Yes, one they outgrow with each wedding.

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