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Comment by grecy | Hacker News Reader

I can't stress this enough - if you're not happy with life, and you feel like you aren't moving closer to your goals and dreams, make a change!!!

I realized that sitting at my desk for 30 years to pay for a house was not what I wanted to do, so I quit my job and have been driving around Africa for 2 years[1]. I dreamed for years of being a travel writer and photographer, and I am making that dream come true! I now write for five magazines on a regular basis, and I just published my first book, with a few more in the pipeline. I have waaaaaay less money than before, but I'm happier than I have ever been in my life.

I am constantly meeting people who had a similar realization and are now living their dreams - volunteering, working on their passions or just traveling for a while while they figure it out.

Life is too short to spend 40+ hours a week not loving what you're doing!

[1] http://theroadchoseme.com/africa-expedition-overview

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> I can't stress this enough - if you're not happy with life, and you feel like you aren't moving closer to your goals and dreams, make a change!!!

I generally agree with this feeling, but with some caveats.

Change for the sake of change is at best a temporary solution. You get some excitement because of the new situation (new job, new country, new partner), but if you don't first identify what isn't working before changing it, you may not actually find a long-term solution.

As the saying goes, "wherever you go, there you are". Sometimes what you need to change is inside yourself. Otherwise you just take your old problems with you to your new country.

This is profound. Mark Manson [0] writes about how long-term happiness/tranquility can only be found in saying "No" in our world of infinite choice - in intentionally limiting ourselves and actively choosing to focus on depth rather than breadth in our relationships, careers, travels, etc.

[0] https://markmanson.net/

I discovered this when I moved countries. It sounds so cheesy, but often the problem is within you, it's not an external problem, even if it seems to manifest itself that way.

Anyway, I moved countries in an attempt to run from my problems, only to find exactly the same problems in my new home. It took me some time to realise that they were internal problems. Moving countries doesn't magically solve everything.

This is exactly how I used to think. Then I started moving around. A lot.

Now I think that our environment determines our behavior and our mental life to such a huge degree that it's embarrassing and uncomfortable to grasp the full extent of it. New career, new you. New friends, new you. New country, new you. New language, new you.

The thing is, most people experience a very slowly changing environment for long enough that they start to think they only change slowly. Rapid changes in environment lead to rapid changes in self, which can feel a little like being inverted.

Having glimpsed how some of this works, I now try to carefully arrange my environment to make sure it'll produce the behaviors I desire.

Some small examples:

Goal: I want to walk more. Solution: There has to be somewhere pleasant and interesting to walk directly out my door.

Goal: I want to eat more meals at home. Solution: My eating table should be close to the kitchen, but in a comfortable and desirable place to sit, like a patio overlooking the back garden.

Goal: I want to read more. Solution: Leave my laptop and phone locked in the trunk of my car. Cover the coffee table with books.

I think this is a both/and, rather than either/or scenario. There's no doubt your environment has a massive impact on behavior modification; I agree with everything you wrote.

However, the key here is that you first identified a specific problem that you wanted to solve. From there, you created an environment that exploited our (for lack of a better term) inherent laziness and brought about desired behaviors because it was the path of least resistance.

I think often people change their environment without first undergoing the uncomfortable but integral process of self-reflection to determine what needs to change. Then, when their lives aren't magically better, they are disappointed.

We are all constantly changing; our environment and our actions are a vicious circle that produce this change. But from what I've seen, the vast majority of people don't direct those changes through conscious thoughts & behavior, so they take on both the good and bad characteristics of their environment (profession, city, friends, culture, etc.) and then are surprised at the result.

The other piece to this is that humans are actually pretty bad at self-analysis. Self-reflection is important, but it needs to be coupled with honest discussions with other people to get something approximating an accurate picture.

I agree about environment conditioning you to some extent; but not necessarily solving underlying, unrelated problems.

I've lived in 4 different countries in the last 8 years so I've also been moving quite a bit, even between continents, and I have "reinvented" myself in every new country and job, and absorbed new ways of living as well. But it took me this long and this many countries to realise that some of the issues I had were relationship issues, not country or job issues, which is why I took them with me across countries and jobs.

While I agree with what you're saying, this is why I believe that trying to fix a general sense of unhappiness or unfulfilment by going through drastic changes may be an overreaction if you don't understand what you're trying to fix in the first place.

Well said. All too often those inspirational prompts to chase your dreams feel slightly too unconditional.

If everything you do is temporary, you'll never arrive anywhere.

It's an easy thing to say when you've come out the other end carrying a bag full of survivor bias. The reality is that there's a reason people don't do this very often and it's because there are tangible benefits to things like owning a home and not worrying about how you're going to pay for food. Not to mention the medical care situation in the US, which is outright designed to help trap people in their jobs.

> the medical care situation in the US, which is outright designed to help trap people in their jobs.

Absolutely! so start working on something right now to free yourself from that. I left a perfectly good first-world country and permanently moved to another one because I liked the quality of life better - you can too!

Theoretically. In practical reality there are quite a lot of obstacles, none of which can't be overcome mind you, but then there's considerations for the other people in your life you'd have to leave behind, the flaws of the country you'd be moving to, etc.

It's risk/reward, like almost everything else. Don't be surprised when people rationally choose a lower risk path.

Its also about what you value most; Being happy about everyday, or material things.

For some people its material things like a house, car etc. and thats okay.

How old were you at that time? Did you have to leave any dependents behind?

I did the same thing in my 20's, now, with family and kids, a large change like that would be much harder to pull off.

I agree with your advice!

But I want to remind that a life-changing decision does not need to involve changing continents and continuous traveling. It can be just a career change. Not all 40-hours workweeks are the same.

I started my career in the social sector, doing fundraising for NGOs. Then, after 6 years, I quit to found my own startup. 2 years between a couple of tries that failed. Then I went to work in Marketing at a startup for another 2 years. Then I quit to study software development fulltime, so for the last year, I am a frontend developer.

Each of these changes came as soon as I realized I was not happy with my job/field. Each of them made me happier. But all of them were still 40 hours of work while living with my family or wife.

Sounds nice, but what about your family? Relatives that might need your attention?

I love examples like this one, but unfortunatelly they can't be applied to a general guy.

Though I have to agree that you have to go for a change one way or the other. Some people can do this almost right now, some will have to do some kind of preparations which can take quite some time too.

PS: not to metion that economical\social conditions can be an issue too.

I think the entire point of this is to drop what you perceive to be your obligations and to focus on yourself.

You first have to identify what you see as your obligations, and to query them. This can be the keeping up with the Joneses, buying stuff for your partner/kids or being around family. In some cases what you think of as your obligations really aren't, your partner would rather spend time with you happy than get a bunch of stuff from you.

Sometimes what you think of as an obligation is something you really do have to do, like looking after your kids, or if some other family needs care. Though I like to think of these as responsibilities rather than obligations, something I've actively chosen rather than something that I've been lumped with.

I think this critical look at these pressures, and what really should be informing your life is key to being able to re-orient yourself to something that can make you happier.

> what about your family? Relatives that might need your attention?

Absolutely, they're important, and by switching to doing something that makes me happier and healthier, I'm able to have a more positive impact on them and also have more time to spend with them. After all time is all we have to spend together, and I'd much rather spend it teaching my nephew to play guitar than sitting at a desk job I don't really enjoy. Because I'm a travel writer and photographer now I can "work remotely" and spend lots of time with family.

> Some will have to do some kind of preparations which can take quite some time too.

Of course! Anything worth doing requires hard work, and will probably take significant time.

do you remember the SNL skit "Debbie Downer"?

It's up to you to figure out how to make yourself happy.

Personally, I would rather spend time drawing and designing things - as opposed to driving throughout Africa.

Everyone's circumstances are different. Some people get dealt a more difficult hand, but most people, through just making better choices, can improve their lives.

Most people I've met in big American cities have come there from a home far away and not brought their relatives. They are then tied to that new place and can't easily spend much time back where they came from.

I absolutely agree that it's the privileged few who are able to go to California to seek fame & fortune and who can take life on the African safari road.

So I should stop supporting my old parents by paying for their rent/expenses and move somewhere else because I'm currently not following my dreams?

Some people don't have the luxury of being selfish.

s/luxury/guts/g

> if you're not happy with life, and you feel like you aren't moving closer to your goals and dreams

I like many aspects of this post, but I find your opening problematic, because you can be perfectly happy without moving closer to your goals and dreams. In fact, you don't need dreams or goals to be happy, and they're actually the source of unhappiness for many people.

It reminds me of anecdote from Allen Watts about westerners traveling to see Buddhist monks in the search for enlightenment. When the monks would offer simple solutions (you just need to change your perspective and understand what's what), the westerners wouldn't believe it, so the monks would construct arduous tasks so that the westerners felt worthy of enlightenment.

But, to the meat of your post, it's a good point. There's no sense in being miserable. If you are, try something else. If you're still miserable, try something else, etc., etc.. Of course, this is easier when you have resources, and people with mental-health issues should include treatment in their 'something else.'

If you have the privilege of being able to do this, it's a great thing to do. As others have mentioned, not everybody has the privilege. People have families, or no cash, etc. etc.

Anyway, I quit my job and moved to Australia last year, because I felt like I wasn't going anywhere with my life. Best decision I ever made. I'm aware that it's a privilege to be able to do this. I didn't have any cash, but was able to use my credit card to survive until I found a job, aware that if it all fell to pieces, I could just fly home and stay with my parents. I'm lucky that I could do this. If I didn't have that safety net, I don't think I would've made that jump.

I'm very lucky in life that I don't have to make sacrifices for the sake of others, and I'm aware that we aren't all so lucky.

Do you worry about coming out of the other end of these travels - by choice or circumstance - and not having the stability/financial cushion that maintaining a steady job would have afforded you?

No. I've made a conscious decision not to live life in fear, and not make decisions based on fear.

Having spent 2 years driving from AK to Argentina and now 2 years in Africa, I know more strongly than ever that I'm not interested in a "stable" or "guaranteed" future. It takes away so much spontaneity and adventure from life, and those are things I'm not willing to give up. Without them, I personally don't think life is worth living.

Interestingly I have recently met a bunch of people in Mozambique/Zimbabwe/Zambia who went to university or otherwise lived in London/USA/Australia for a few years. As soon as possible they returned to live in Africa. Quote "I don't want to just exist, I want to live."

Just the other week I met a 92 y/o lady who knows all about adventure. In 1950 her Dad loaded his wife, two daughters and the family dog into an old truck and drove from London to Zambia. The adventures they had on that journey far outweigh anything I have seen or experienced. He randomly made his home there, and she had endless stories of sitting on the porch watching elephants and a million other things. In her lifetime she hand raised a hippo that lived in her house for 19 years, raised a chimp that slept in her bed, and now runs an orphanage/foundation for well over 100 chimps.

When we're open to it, we can find a life of adventure that is extremely fulfilling, and I want that life.

Sounds like this could be survivorship bias, in a very literal sense.

Could be. But also talking about all these other hypothetical adventurous people who are now broke and starving feed into our fears. I wonder if it just feels right to assume most people regret such decision because it matches what we worry about.

Do you have any data to back up that sentiment?

No. I'm not aware of anyone doing a randomized controlled trial on going adventuring. I'm just pointing out that people who died naturally won't be able to tell their stories, so we're disproportionately likely to hear from the ones for whom it worked out ok.

For one person choosing adventure there must be at least ten watching him/her closely succeed/fail so in our current superconnected world I would assume not so happy stories are still preserved somewhere.

Very cool that you made it work for you. I'm in a situation where on a daily basis I feel total Bliss and extreme depression.

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