Thank you, the AMP version was horrible on desktop.
AMP version: a bit funny looking (big pictures, full width layout rendering), but otherwise very simple and clean, just text and pictures. The only real issue is the pictures are big, but that's kind of nice in its own way.
Non-AMP version: slow to load, janky video loading that moves the text around while I'm trying to read it, janky side bar menus that jerk as I scroll, the actual article only occupies the middle 1/4-1/3 of the layout.
I'll take the AMP version, thanks.
AMP version: not loading, I assumed due to blocked JS, but I just went back to check, and oh it finally loaded.. so maybe it eventually falls back with my first-party-only JS policy.
Non-AMP version: immediate load, perfectly readable, refreshed with no JS (not even first-party) and it's imperceptibly fast. (Reloaded the AMP version again with no JS just to check, and of course - without the JS to say: Hey, after a timeout, if AMP JS hasn't loaded, fall back on standard - it doesn't load at all. Great.)
Edit: actually, it did, eventually (not sure how that works then) but with no images and full-width text. I'll take AMPless any day.
Looks like the culprit is this piece of code:
body {
animation:-amp-start 8s steps(1,end) 0s 1 normal both}
@keyframes -amp-start{from{visibility:hidden}to{visibility:visible}
}