Comment by eatorlaef | Hacker News Reader

Comment by eatorlaef | Hacker News Reader

I've never had a relationship and I think over 30 it's really hard to find one (especially if you never had one so don't have the "how to experience"). Everyone is either already married, or already divorced with kids, or just out of your league. The married part also has another effect: you won't get invited to a lot of events where people socialize, say a kids birthday party where the parents also come together.

Also I think it's a personal thing but I don't even try to make contact with anyone because of the whole climate of our society. Obviously it's divided and that's really bad on its own but I think about things like mansplaining. Basically you are reminded everywhere how bad it is and I agree on that but as an anxious person it makes even more less willing to make contact because I always have that thought of what if you are a doing something wrong, you will be accused of something etc.

Yeah reading back my comment doesnt really make any sense but... I feel that some people, some of us just meant to be forever alone for good or bad

I've never had a relationship until 25. I had all the bad luck when it comes to genetics and upbringing.

At the time of 25, I just learned to drive and had my first beater 15-year-old car. I made lots of great friends when giving rides to Wal-mart to friends who are fellow international graduate students on that shitty car. I just made up bullshit reasons for me to go to Wal-mart every weekend and asked them if they want to tag along. Many were too shy to bother others, and would totally appreciate someone who would offer them a ride. I sort of became the go-to person when people needed a ride (friendship came with a cost, who would have guessed right?). One day, I was asked to give a student a ride from the airport two hours away because she couldn't ask anyone else to help. We became good friends after the ride I gave her and we developed a great relationship two years after.

There is a lot of stuff like that you can do to help others and maybe help yourself. You can volunteer in a place if you don't know where to begin. When you find yourself to be useful and kind to others, oh strangely, people will see that too.

>less willing to make contact because I always have that thought of what if you are a doing something wrong, you will be accused of something etc.

While some people are a pain in the ass, you will find most to be friendly and understanding when you're genuine. Don't be afraid of stories you read online of judgments and lawsuits. I found myself in a strange situation when I just had nothing to lose and I did many things against the advice to protect myself from being vulnerable and potentially receiving the short end of the stick. I have turned my life around doing just that. While I did indeed occasionally receive the short end of the stick, I have gained so many great friends and stories that totally made it worth it.

People have relationships at all ages. Not having had one doesn't make it more difficult to find one. That said, making friendly eye contact is pretty essential to socializing; it's a habit you can improve with practice and analysis. Just because hostile, misanthropic media garners the most attention doesn't mean most people aren't friendly or at least polite in person. Good luck! :)

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