Actually very few people think you're a joke, and none of the people who matter do. Mercifully, for most of us and for most of the time, most people don't think about us at all. But again: this sounds like pathological anxiety, not something a message board can help you with. There's no good reason to suffer; I think you would benefit from talking to someone who specializes in this stuff.

You are telling yourself this, but you don't realise it - you are mistaking your own voice for objective reality. You might have heard the expression 'the map is not the territory'.

The only person thinking bad things about you is you.

I'd recommend exploring psychotherapy, learning about the mind, learning about yourself. Not because there is anything 'wrong' with you, but to allow you to improve your mental state, even with less than ideal circumstances. From there you will be more chilled and can make clear decisions, decide what is most important and then set goals.

The reality is if you are earning 50% let alone 80% of $180k US as I have inferred by your posts you have enough money and you probably don't 'need' more. You are certainly earning alot more than me, and I have been software developer since 2001.

It sounds like it is the comparison with others, and being treated unfairly in your mind that is causing a lot of frustration. I had the same feelings in my 20's - I was suspicious and wondered why certain people got ahead and judged things as fair/unfair. Even at an older age with social media like HN I'll see all these super successful people in their fields and be jealous and angry that I didn't take 'their' path. But at some point it is good to be able to handle that we can't all be 0.01% ers (by definition or 0.01%er: only 1 in 10000 can attain it).