Comment by tptacek | Hacker News Reader

Comment by tptacek | Hacker News Reader

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I want to be careful about doing Internet psych diagnosis, but you sound (from your previous comments) like you may be somewhere on the spectrum of depression/anxiety. Have you thought about talking to a professional?

I have no idea what my IQ is. I definitely know what my present limitations are, and I think about them a lot (I'm a little obsessed by the limits on my willpower that keep me from e.g. spending 8 consecutive hours studying abstract algebra, or learning Haskell). But I'm not alarmed by them. I am naturally "good at" some things (I'm coming to believe that "good at" is almost a synonym for "enjoys/gets a charge from") and other things are uphill climbs for me. I try to arrange my work so that my uphill climbs are always for a reason. I think this is a healthier attitude than trying to gauge some very-probably-fictitious intrinsic "IQ" attribute to find my place in the world.

If you can write in complete sentences and in a conversational tone, you're doing fine on charisma. Having organized and been involved in HN meetups in the past: you are almost certainly not anomalously inept in social situations. We are not the funnest cocktail party in the world.

I came across this post because I have a saved search for "IQ" (historically, "IQ" has been a reliably marker for seriously gross threads) and not because I clicked through on an "Ask HN" about "coming to grips with your own mediocrity". I'd gingerly suggest that the whole notion of "coming to grips with mediocrity" is a bit toxic and crazymaking.

>I try to arrange my work so that my uphill climbs are always for a reason. I think this is a healthier attitude than trying to gauge some very-probably-fictitious intrinsic "IQ" attribute to find my place in the world.

That's probably a decent strategy overall but as someone that can't pass Google HC I don't see how that would help.

I think I'm pretty mediocre at all of the things that might be lucrative and really bad at everything else.

My subfield, software security, is so full of people that tried to get a job at Google and failed that it became a running joke. Some extremely well-known people in the field number among them. If you're evaluating your life by whether you can pass an interview loop at Google or Facebook, you're doing something wrong.

I mean, I'm still making less (around 80% of what they make or less) than them. And I will for the next 4-5 years if I can hack it at Amazon FT.

If you are typical intern age and freaking out over your income over the next 4-5 years, you are also probably doing something wrong.

I’m 22. I’m seeing everyone I respect get TC over $180k and on. I don’t come close while working harder and being judged more harshly.

I can’t even leave. Everyone thinks I’m a joke because of my background and lack of pedigree. I’m never going to make up for my prior failures at this rate.

Actually very few people think you're a joke, and none of the people who matter do. Mercifully, for most of us and for most of the time, most people don't think about us at all. But again: this sounds like pathological anxiety, not something a message board can help you with. There's no good reason to suffer; I think you would benefit from talking to someone who specializes in this stuff.

You are telling yourself this, but you don't realise it - you are mistaking your own voice for objective reality. You might have heard the expression 'the map is not the territory'.

The only person thinking bad things about you is you.

I'd recommend exploring psychotherapy, learning about the mind, learning about yourself. Not because there is anything 'wrong' with you, but to allow you to improve your mental state, even with less than ideal circumstances. From there you will be more chilled and can make clear decisions, decide what is most important and then set goals.

The reality is if you are earning 50% let alone 80% of $180k US as I have inferred by your posts you have enough money and you probably don't 'need' more. You are certainly earning alot more than me, and I have been software developer since 2001.

It sounds like it is the comparison with others, and being treated unfairly in your mind that is causing a lot of frustration. I had the same feelings in my 20's - I was suspicious and wondered why certain people got ahead and judged things as fair/unfair. Even at an older age with social media like HN I'll see all these super successful people in their fields and be jealous and angry that I didn't take 'their' path. But at some point it is good to be able to handle that we can't all be 0.01% ers (by definition or 0.01%er: only 1 in 10000 can attain it).

In the book "The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck" by Mark Manson, he gives a good example of Dave Mustaine being pissed off that Metallica had much more success than Megadeth, so even though he had a tonne of success, sold millions of records (or whatever...) his value system didn't allow him to be satisfied.

because I have a saved search for "IQ" (historically, "IQ" has been a reliably marker for seriously gross threads)

Wait, what? How many of those do you have? That seems like way more work than abstract algebra.

A lot. I automated it awhile ago.

Wow. So the Citation is... real?

"After a morning workout practicing his Fascism-Communism-false-equivalence combat katas, the Citation wonders what life would have been like if he'd chosen a more conventional path - perhaps teaching Spanish-speaking maths prodigies. A soft chirp from his watch interrupts his musings. The night's reports from Trollhunter, the autonomous threadoscaphe are coming in..."

LET ME HAVE MY HOBBIES IN PEACE

This is where I admit that I have bookmarks for over a dozen HN users' comment pages.

That's neighbourhood watch volunteer who owns a police scanner and jots down the occasional license plate number. Commendable but it's not like launching the eponymous jet from the Citationcave to patrol the forumskies.

I don't even have my own comment page listed.

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