"Mainly because if we make Rockstar a real (and completely pointless) programming language, then recruiters and hiring managers won't be able to talk about 'rockstar developers' any more"

Hahahahaha I love you for this.

Easiest path to becoming a certified Rockstar developer.

This is so we'll thought out and hilarious. You've earned my number one spot for best esoteric programming language. It used to be Chef where the programs make recipes and someone made a program that output hello world but actually was real instructions for baking a cake. They then baked the cake. But this? Oh the sky is the limit with this !