1. I took magic mushrooms (well truffles, Amsterdam, sold in smartshops, i.e. legal) and I felt a bit uncomfortable in my body and I felt like a kid.
2. I took magic truffles again (again Amsterdam) and I felt a lot uncomfortable in my body and was contemplating suicide. Fortunately I had on gray brain cell left that said "you can kill yourself, but only if you agree on it when you're sober and it's one week later." I locked myself in a bathroom with no windows. Yes, I could hurt myself in the bathroom, but I was fortunately to dumb to know how to do that. When the effect started cooling down it was a mix between a really bad trip and a really profound, meaningful yet really painful trip.
When I came out of the trip and felt sober I got a lot of data to analyze about myself and that definitely helped me. Yet, god forbid if I didn't have that 1 gray brain cell that realized that I was on truffles and therefore not in my right mind. Needlessly to say, when I was sober I decided to live because life is one interesting big trip anyway :D
One thing that I am realizing more and more: I really like myself sober. When I am sober I am capable of keeping my emotions in check. It's easier to love myself and all those things.
Nevertheless, I am grateful for the insights.