Ask HN: Depression and job | Hacker News Reader

Ask HN: Depression and job

60 pointstaparisbat374 comments

I have a good job. It pays well. I work with intelligent people. It's programming in a trading company (which doesn't align with my values that much).

Lately I've been feeling depressed and overwhelmed and burnout from all the work that I have to do and some personal stuff in my life.

I wake up every morning feeling anxious, I am starting to have panick attacks at work and I have lost my concentration and the ability to think straight. The other day I started crying while talking to a collegue.

What should I do? Is quitting this job a good idea?

edit: i'm seeing a therapist lately and got some meds but I think this lifestyle is not for me anyways.

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* Leave work after 8 hours without making excuses

* Go to bed at the same time every night

* Get at least 7 hours of sleep. Try for 8.

* Stop drinking alcohol and using drugs

* Eat better. Cook your own meals. Do meal prep to make it easier.

* Start exercising. Start 3x per week, 15 min of HIIT per day.

* Drink a large glass of water when you wake up. Drink water throughout the day.

* Don't drink more than one cup of coffee per day

* Don't use sleeping pills

* Work hard during your 8 hours and let it go when you leave.

* Say "No" more at work. Do it with a smile.

* Do a few minutes of stretching and meditation every day.

* Start looking for another job. Put the feelers out. Set up notifications. Take it easy and schedule one or two phone calls per week. Think of it like fishing. You're just chilling out and casting your line and reeling it in. Sooner or later you'll hook something nice.

* Go for a 30-60min walk every day

* Get off of social media. Do more things in the real world.

* Spend more time at work conversing with people you like. Invite them to lunch. Go for walks with them. Go for drinks occasionally.

* Don't be in a rush to quit. Keep earning your good money until you catch the big fish.

* Eliminate all stress-inducing things and people in your life with extreme prejudice.

* When you feel fatigued, rest.

* Reconnect with true friends and family who lift you up. Disconnect with those that bring you down.

* Pick a hobby that makes you happy and do it at least 2x per week.

* Push back on everything possible at work. Does someone REALLY need "all the work [you] have to do" or are you taking it on unnecessarily. Again, say "No".

* Talk to your boss about taking a break or reducing workload. Let them know you're feeling overwhelmed. Ask for help and/or possibly a change.

* Reconsider meds from your therapist unless you have been diagnosed with an actual condition. Meds fix one thing and break several other things. Self-medicate with sleep, food and exercise but commit to not missing your "medication".

Super solid advice here, If I need to only pick 3 immediate actions.

* Get at least 7 hours of sleep. Try for 8.

* Do a few minutes of stretching and meditation every day. (use Headspace or Calm applications)

And my personal recommendation:

* Sit and stand with your back straight. (This raises your confidence and assertiveness; then makes you feel in control; then reduces anxiety, and finally improve your health).

Seconding and thirding the point on getting good sleep: "Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams by Matthew P. Walker" https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/34466963-why-we-sleep "An explosion of scientific discoveries in the last twenty years has shed new light on this fundamental aspect of our lives. Now, preeminent neuroscientist and sleep expert Matthew Walker gives us a new understanding of the vital importance of sleep and dreaming. Within the brain, sleep enriches our ability to learn, memorize, and make logical decisions. It recalibrates our emotions, restocks our immune system, fine-tunes our metabolism, and regulates our appetite. Dreaming mollifies painful memories and creates a virtual reality space in which the brain melds past and present knowledge to inspire creativity."

It's difficult to sleep well when depressed.

Lately I wake up in panic, with only 3hours of bad sleep

I'd agree it is way easier to say "sleep 7-8 hours straight" than giving some advice on how to achieve it.

I'd recommend:

1. Avoid having dinner 2-3 hours before sleep time

2. Try to sleep/wake at the same 30-minute interval, sleep 11.00pm-11.30pm wake up at 7.00-7-30am

3. Light reading. An easy to read fiction novel. My picks are usually Murakami or Latin American authors.

Routines give stability to people that suffer from a mental illness.

True. And as a feedback loop, lack of sleep causes people to be more anxious because the calming part of the brain is too tired to function well.

Good sleep is also needed for the brain to process emotional situations to work through them. Sometimes the situation is so much that we wake up from that. The book on sleep by Matthew Walker has a section on treating PTSD and veterans awaking from bad dreams that they ultimately needed to get through to process their fears.

That book also has some suggestions for getting more and better sleep -- many of which have been mentioned in replies to your post.

They include things like:

* go to bed and wake up at the same time every day

* avoid caffeine from any sources after 2 pm (or depending on your metabolism, earlier or maybe even at all)

* avoid alcohol as it interferes with good sleep

* avoid electronic screens before bedtime

* especially avoid blue LEDs before bedtime (use something like Flux on laptops)

* have the bedroom be cooler at night

* don't stay awake in bed -- get up and go back to bed when you are sleepy to associate bed with sleeping

* avoid exercise or heavy eating for at least a couple of hours before going to sleep

He even suggests setting an alarm as a reminder to tell you when to go to sleep.

Here are some other ideas I collected for moving from depression onto an upward spiral of improvement: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=15455259

Of course, it is all easier said than done when you are depressed. Sometimes one small positive step can lead to another though. It helps a lot if you have a supportive community.

Good luck!

P.S. If you decide to change jobs, consider looking at idealist.org and also reading "Disciplined Minds" by Schmidt and "The Three Boxes of Life" by Bolles.

Excellent advice. This is pretty much exactly the list I used to pull myself out of depression the last time

True, this advice is very smart.

May I ask how you came up with that?

Life (and keeping up with the latest research) :)

Thanks mc big g. <3

This is a really good list. The OP should print it out and put checkboxes, and everyday make sure he/she does each task list. Another thing to do is to start a journel and write three things: what you are grateful for today (could be a small thing, no scope), something like this checklist (I put in weight and what I ate or plan to eat with calories broken down by fat/carb/protein), and a list of "Victories" "Today, I did X and I declare VICTORY! over it" which also again, could be a really small thing, like I cleaned my room etc. THe idea is to change your brain chemistry, very slowly, into positive way of thinking. Again your list is great!

Thanks. I will do this!

To add to the above awesome list.

* Do some martial arts its a good confidence booster. It doesn't have to be MMA, even aikido can be good. And you get to socialize(with a different mindset crowd) at the same time.

* And yes meds work both ways. It can take the edge off as much as the lows. So you will not get as "excited" as much as you used to be before. It puts you on an even plateau.

Comparing myself with these super gangsta people around me makes me feel small and weak. The qualities I have seem irrelevant there (empathy, sensibility, helping others, etc)

If it were me, I'd just quit. Fuck. That. Shit.

Life is too short to be depressed, or so much as be bored or at a dead end.

If your company doesn't align with your values, then all the more reason to leave.

If you have some personal projects you want to work on, build up some funds so you con quit and comfortably take a sabbatical and then spend some time applying for positions in the latter half of it.

Do you have family and friends? Chances are at least one of them will help you if times get tough. If you have a support network, remember that you can use it.

If you are crying at work, that means your job isn't as valuable as you think it is. It probably sucks.

If you have sick time, use a bunch of it so you can calm down and rationally decide what your exit strategy will be.

By the way, I recently quit my job with nothing lined up. The company was great, but I had personal projects I wanted time for and needed a change. This is a thing people do, and they usually survive it. Don't buy the social pressure that says working hard is a virtue in and of itself, or that you're a bum because you quit for your own health and are "unemployed".

One day not too long from now, you'll look back at this job and wonder why you put up with it for so long.

I've already lived this situation in a previous job. I'm somehow afraid this might reproduce itself..

It's a mixture of working under pressure and fear of authority figure that comes from abandonment childhood trauma...

Also I don't connect with any collègue really. Like in the deep level, contemplating kind of thing.

That's tough, and I feel for you. As someone else mentioned, maybe it's a good idea to reevaluate if this career is right for you? That's not to say I think you shouldn't try to persevere, but it's a valid question to ask yourself.

It sounds like you're doing the right thing by getting therapy, based on what you describe. That's probably something I should have done, rather than work through my problems alone. It's certainly possible to do the latter, but it takes a long time.

Connecting with colleagues in any meaningful way is really a rarity. In the 5 year career I've had being a full-time programmer, I've only meet about 3 people with whom I've been able to really connect with, and only one of those in any sort of deep level(as in we've kept in touch long after we both moved on). I don't know what you are like, but it's possible that the way you socialize is just different from most people. A lot of people are happy with very surface-level interactions, which is why they can be happy going to parties because they can talk about meaningless drivel and be satisfied with the sort of safety provided by not really rocking the boat in any way. Maybe you are one of those people, or maybe you're like I am in that I have no interest in speaking their language but value depth when it comes along. Either way, understanding that can help you look for a work environment that better suits who you are.

Still, either way, connecting with people doesn't happen very often. I long desired to connect with people(I'm relatively bad at this) in part because I struggled in childhood to make friends who weren't going to later stab me in the back. It was difficult to come to the conclusion that I don't actually need connection as much as I thought, but once I did, it was quite freeing because I could better value connections(as opposed to having a level of desperation for it) and also be perfectly content on being by myself and doing my own thing.

Back to the career thing... what other sort of institutions have you worked for? No offense, but financial institutions are the kind of places I specifically choose not to work for. Ask anyone who knows me, and they'll say I've passed up jobs because they were for financial institutions. :) A lot of people are fine with them, but it's not for me. If you've only worked for similar places in the past, maybe your outlook on your career is jaded in part because you don't know how good it can actually be? Just a thought. If, for example, you've previously only worked for other financial firms or marketing firms, then you might not know how good you can realistically have it.

The job I just left was at a non-profit public media organization. What I really liked about that company, despite some minor shortcomings, is that I could believe in the mission, which is important for me. If I worked somewhere that was solely interested in milking the customers of money, I'd lose interest in short order. Maybe a non-profit organization is a good place for you to work? Since they have a limited income, they tend to be more flexible and understanding with their employees since they would prefer to keep them around rather than lose them during critical times.

I don't believe in the mission of my work. I actually feel guilty. The mentality around me feels just plain wrong.

And collecting with collègues, I think I'm just like you. Superficial chit-chat is difficult for me and I prefer when people get personal or just plain real on the discussion. Something I cannot find where I am because people are just superficial most of the time (well that's my point of view while being depressed).

I've only worked for a bank and this trading firm but I have always felt the pressure I put myself and the comparison to others. I can't be laid-back and take it easy.. It's unnatural and fake it til you make it is hard for me.

Try not to feel so guilty. :) We all can't always be working on something we believe in; mathematically, it's highly improbable. I'm sure there are also many people who work in your office who don't care for the firm's mission, although they have coping mechanisms to hide their apathy and vulnerabilities, so it can seem like they all love what they do and that you're the wrong one in the picture. Most people are naturally team players and maintain a certain image because they need the structure and support of the perceived team. I've never worked that way, so a lot of my life has been spent feeling out of place because my group's mission is clearly bunk but everyone else behaves as if it isn't. Believe you me, that's lead to a lot of depression.

These days I'm much more content and at peace with these things about people and workplaces that aren't going to change themselves. While I wouldn't say to never look up to other people whom have qualities you aspire to, comparing yourself to others is a losing game because the people we've been talking about are really just illusions; those team players who go with the flow and support bad missions, who seem to have everything we don't, are usually putting on an image. We usually don't know who these people really are, but I can assure you that most of them are living hum-drum lives and deal with their own sort of problems brought on by the baggage that comes with maintaining a conventional life. I don't begrudge them of this observation, as it's often just their calling to be this way, but their true selves are simply not my true self.

Ok, I'm going to get a little cliche here, but those who are exceptional are usually not the type of people who go along with hopeless missions or simply do what's expected of them. Now I'm not saying that I or you have to aspire to be exceptional, yet the reason I bring this up is that there is no shame in being someone like you, and not the people you work with.

I've found much more happiness in setting my own standards for who I want to be, not comparing myself to other people. It feels healthy because I've learned that such standards to only myself and not others has lead to much less disappointment in life; when I am disappointed with something, it's purely on me and I can take steps to try to resolve it.

In relation to that, you clearly have a strength in that you seem like a highly-driven person (that's how I'm interpreting what you said anyway). I normally don't like giving out advice, because everyone is different, but if I were you I would take that drivenness and direct it towards something else. I've not worked for a bank or a trading firm, but I imagine that the way that they function is extremely old-school. When companies and industries become highly-established, they will always tend towards a stable equilibrium that is less focused on efficiency or innovation, which can be hampering for people who want more than just the status quo but very hospitable to people who are willing to just go with the flow (i.e. are laid back and take things easy).

All that I can say is that I truly empathize with how you feel. I also see a therapist and take meds for a combination of PTSD/anxiety/depression, and I just realized that I’m very close to crossing the line into some pretty severe burnout, so I just accepted a job that’s closer to home and I expect will be less demanding.

If you feel like the job is taking its toll it probably won’t hurt to look elsewhere. I enjoy my current job, but it started demanding 10-12 hour days, working on vacation days, and time away from my family. Once I hit that point it was a sign that something needed to change, and I didn’t see the job changing anytime soon.

Do what’s best for you and the important people in your life. Never feel guilty about it. And for the love of god, don’t deal with it the way I do, which is shutting down and not communicating with people who can help.

Good you got to job easier to go to that will make you happier.

I also suffer from ptsd from childhood. I feel alone and abandoned very often.

My drive/ambition for my job was driving me nuts. I started getting hives - for the first time in my life - from the stress.

The best thing I did was move from San Francisco to the northwoods near lake superior. You can buy a house out here for <$30k. After that, all you have to pay are utility + food bills, which is like $300 a month (vs $1800/mo rent in CA).

With cost of living being so low, you can a single one-off tech job and not have to worry about working for the next few months.

It is fantastic to be so free.

Just my experience but maybe you can gain something from it?

'one-off tech'? Yes your experience is awesome.

> What should I do? Is quitting this job a good idea?

yes, absolutely. I've been there. I've burnt out twice and i'm working on my third. (not proud of that statement at all). In my experience it's not a question of if it will get better. It's only a question of how many coping techniques you can put in place to extend the time before you loose it completely (and probably dramatically). Also note that the stress associated with burnout is hard on the body. Want a heart attack at a young age? keep courting burnout....

If i were you i'd also do some serious internal searching regarding if this _carrer_ might also be worth quitting. I dunno, maybe you love programming, in which case the question is more how to find a way to make a living at it that doesn't keep burning you out.

I quit and did something i loved that was completely unrelated to programming for four months. it was amazing. it was life changing. Now i'm back in a co. and my values aren't well aligned and it's burning me out again. I will quit. I will do the thing i love, and i'll probably never work for The Man again. I still love programming. I'll keep doing it. Just, not for the man, and on my own schedule. I'll probably end up making a fraction of my current income, and it'll be worth every penny.

You sound like you're into the pretty severe end of burnout. My opinion is that no amount of money is worth that. Do whatever it takes to take care of yourself and live your daily life in a way that makes you smile, regardless of if it involves a pay cut.

also, major kudos for getting the help of a therapist. and good luck.

What was your other thing that you did?

I like doing yoga and teaching programming..

Do the therapist thing, exercise, eat right, etc...That is all important. Good pay, Good job, blah blah. None of that is really relevant, that is some externally defined bullshit. If you are burning out and waking up with anxiety you need to back up and figure out the root cause. I just suffered through 2 months of this for the 10th time in the last 20 years. This time it was a bit more intense.

I have been through enough shit in my life, fire arms in my face in foreign countries, losing loved ones, the list goes on like most folks. None of that shook me like this recent bout of corporate fuckery.

I think you need to dig deep and analyze all of the variables. Without knowing more about your personal life, age and financial position it is hard to say what the right thing to do is in a socially acceptable sense. If there are stress triggers you need to figure out how to manage those.

End of the day it is probably just a bad fit. It could simply be "toxic" for you. The pay/resume cred doesn't matter if it makes you miserable and degrades your mental/emotional/physical well being.

A bad fit is a bad fit. Chalk it up to life experience and apply what you learn as you continue on down the path. All the money, social acceptance, don't take it for granted, first world problems stuff isn't something to get hung up on. Dead that noise. Look at your life, who you were, how you have acted in the past, who you are today, there are always patterns and a root cause.

You need to focus on the self. What makes sense for YOU. If you are miserable just roll out. If you can take a week or three off, do that. Communicate with HR or your boss, keep it real. It takes some stones to be open and honest about this kind of thing but you might be surprised at what kind of support you can receive.

Worst case just go to the doc and then let HR know. I am willing to bet that you can take a month or more off via personal leave with no real consequence due to "job related" illness. When in doubt, review your handy dandy corporate handbook.

Start to take control of the situation. It is your life. Own it. Don't throw yourself under the bus for no reason. Make change, don't be a victim...especially not to your own sub-conscious acrobatics.

10 times in 20 years. Wow. How do you deal with it? What causes your thing? How long does it last? Do you feel shame (I do) when depressed?

Over time I have simply learned to just navigate it better. I view all of this on a continuum. I don't compartmentalize things into categories like depression...it is simply part of the human experience.

Most of it is internal, it flares up when I engage in things that aren't a natural fit for me. That could be related to interpersonal relationships, jobs, moving to a location that doesn't make sense or similar. Each year that passes I become more self aware and it let's me navigate this world a bit more effectively.

I am a very empathetic person, I don't do well with this "me, me, me" world. For years I would always put others in front of myself so that constantly lead to major flare ups. Self neglect is in no way a healthy approach to life. I am mildly allergic to capitalism and "the machine" which does complicate day to day life here in the US.

The length of each cycle depends on how many things are layered into the mix at any given time. It could last a few weeks to 3-4 months. Eventually I would just wear myself out until I was forced to make change.

Luckily I do not ever feel shame. I got lucky on that one. I don't really look for any external approval in life so it is easier to not get caught up in a negative loop regarding self-esteem, self-worth. There is no harsher critic of myself than me.

The last bout was fierce. After months of waking up feeling physically sick, I am finally getting through that but there are still triggers. (The weekly scheduled meetings, the "ding" from incoming emails, and similar lead to minor flare ups)

I think taking time to fully define success and what it means to you at this point in your life is critical. The more I go after $, the more unnatural it feels. I think many of us get sucked into this misguided notion that financial success=security/freedom, when in reality it is simply perceived that way. It is not a tangible, real thing.

Either way, you are acknowledging it and trying to figure it all out. Those are the hard steps, facing it and holding yourself accountable in some capacity (not in excess;)

Once you start making changes you will be empowered. Nobody can take that away from you, if it starts to dissipate that is on you. Fight for it. Run with it.

I have suicidal ideations, shame and start isolating myself.. This is hard because I wait for people to come toward me but these people don't care so you just end up feeling alone and depressed.

I hope to figure this out in my life.

What do you mean by physically sick? Can you interact with people normally?

Me me world is difficult for me too but also because I find it difficult to handle stuff just by myself

Most people in the comments are telling you to quit, but is it really your job that's depressing you or have you pushed yourself too hard for too long?

How long have you been at this job?

Do you have personal hobbies or projects you like to work on?

These are all questions you need to ask yourself.

We often tend to rely on our jobs to push our intellectual curiosity and provide satisfaction by challenging us to greater heights. Unfortunately, most jobs become mundane after the first project goes live. Hence why most developers average 2 years or less at a job. It's our failure to communicate and set expectations with our superiors, that drives us to the brink, isolates us, and ultimately makes us quit. Alas, the grass ain't always greener and more often than not, you find yourself in the same situation.

If there's one thing I've learned from all of the previous employers I've left, it's that the anxiety build up leading up to handing in that 2 weeks notice could have been entirely avoided, had we just had an open conversation of where we want to be in our careers. Communication is key.

Before you decide to quit, I'd say take a long vacation. 2 weeks minimum, or a month if permissible. Make sure to completely remove yourself from your current environment (go to another country).

Doing so will recharge your batteries, help disconnect you from the daily grind, and realign your thoughts on what's important. A crystal clear view of what path to take. After you come back, whether you've decided to stay or leave your current employer, you will feel 100 times more confident in the decision you make.

Sounds like burnout and anxiety has gotten the best of you right now.

Relax. Take a deep breath. Go on a long vacation. Make a decision.

Thanks for your comment. Lots of insight

Hey there, I'm a developer, I live in NYC and speak about this stuff sometimes (baugues.com/depression). If you're in NYC, would be happy to grab coffee next week.

Not in NY. I'll take a look at your site. Thank you

I watched your heartfelt video full of great advice. Thank you for making it.

As one more piece of the puzzle, since you mentioned several times doing you best work at night and it being hard to get up in the morning, I can wonder how much of various stresses for many people may come from perhaps being a night owl in an early-morning lark business culture?

Also in one study, even just one night of missed sleep can lead to bipolar cycling in some people -- discussed by Matthew Walker in his book "Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams".

Have you tried to take a break? A 2-3 week break. By pausing your life you’ll free up more space in your brain to think about what is next for you. Quitting could be the solution, but there is a chance that it might aggravate things. Surround yourself with family and close friends too. Communicate with them, talking about your problems with people who really care about you will help.

As a first step though - Go back to your therapist ASAP and tell him/her the meds don’t do anything.

If you haven't taken time off with vacation days. I suggest you do for at least week to relax.

Take a step back to relax and think about yourself. Understand what's going on with your life and important to you.

I wouldn't quit yet until after you think about the situation.

Open yourself to people close to you. It might be hard, but I am sure they care for you and will listen to what you have to say.

I have opened myself to almost everyone near me.

No one can help but me.

The shame and guilt is deep inside me. It's me who's lost now. They try to be there but still...

Another vote for re-assessing this job and whether it is a good fit for you. I can vouch from personal experience that things that kill your soul have a huge effect from which it is sometimes difficult to bounce back. Many of these places count on your presumably youthful and abundant energy to ride to their dreams but by burning out, you may never be able to get to yours.

We all get one life in our current form and the challenge in this world, just like those standardized exams, is to figure out what is good/relevant and what is not - you are already ahead if you identified the not-good/irrelevant so toss it and go find something that is good for you instead. Edit: I would advise though that rebound is a thing so don't jump too hastily into a worse position - advice from trusted mentors is friends is what you need to either see the value in the current role and/or a future opportunity.

I've already felt like this in almost all my jobs. Something about working alone and feeling abandoned in face of responsabilites and stress

I've been there, about 3 years I was sooo down, which was while I co-founded a company. So there was this day when I didn't show up in the office with a cheesy excuse - which was not my style at all. One of my co-founders said then a week later we wants to stop the venture. I wanted to continue but actually this was the best thing ever. I should have stopped all that crap a year ago.

Before that stupid job my situation wasn't perfect but I was getting along. This has put me back a lot, both personally and professionally.

I strongly hint you to re-think your whole situation. Maybe you can take a longer time off and spend that time alone. Also hearing that you work at a trading company, those aren't exactly the most empathizing types of people.

I assume you have the qualifications to find a new job easily, maybe not such a unique one but still.

Don't be stupid and go with the head through the wall.

I really feel the lack of empathy. But I need this more than those around me :/ which makes me feel special

It depends on the situation - would you be worse off with unemployment mentally? I would recommend getting another job lined up first. I know in my case lack of a mental challenge created a nasty feedback loop leaving me too dismotivated to start a helpful side project and made me worse at interviewing.

I have found it helpful to try to be open to yourself about your emotions and not holding back as much as you can get away with. Repression is a bad move for depression. Is it the hours? The pointlessness? Feeling that on some level working there is betraying your ideals? Lack of a social connection?

The root or excaberator is generally personal. For instance I have heard many accounts of superficial success but persistent depression until they realized they were living in the closet. Meanwhile others seem to truly lack an underlying cause other than brain chemistry going rogue.

Maybe you should see if taking a few weeks off from work is possible.

I won't advise you about depression since I don't qualify to do so,but I do know changing your environment can have a significant psychological impact. It could make things better or worse.

When a program doesn't work right you need someone who understands how programs work, to debug them,analyze the root cause and implement a fix. Doesn't have to be a therapist,just find someone who qualifies and let them debug you.

Edit: Interesting post on hn you might find useful: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=17523475

I'm already seeing a therapist and she believes I've lived a weird childhood

Yeah,we all have lol. Something about the critical development period (pre 13)

I've lived abandonment, verbal and physical svuse, bullying and a war :)

Just don't give up then. In a race what matters is how you finished not how you started.

I know how you feel. I started my career as a programmer in a good company but I felt like you described: anxious, burnout and overwhelmed.

Quitting is not the answer. You would probably face the same situation in your next job. It's mostly how WE perceive the world around us.

Seek professional help if you can afford it. These things worked for me that I suggest you try right a way:

* Read/listen a good book (how to stop worrying and start living, or similar self-help books) * Eat and sleep well, exercise. There are a lot of internet resources on this.

Good luck.

I have negative talk in my head. Compare myself with those that are better than me. And stress way too fast. What did you do? How are you now? How old are you..?

Are you 100% sure of the root cause of your depression? You may quit your job but if that was not the reason you would be back on square one. My suggestion ask yourself some difficult and honest questions without any emotional context. Based on the answers make a decision. Speak with your therapist and use her/him as your sounding board. But make sure you know the root cause before you make you next move. Most of us "think" we know why but its not necessarily the right answer.

Great question. I've found sometimes in hindsight that when I was unhappy I changed a thing that was easy to change, rather than the thing most responsible for my unhappiness.

> I have a good job...(which doesn't align with my values that much)...Lately I've been feeling depressed and overwhelmed and burnout from all the work that I have to do...I wake up every morning feeling anxious, I am starting to have panick attacks at work...The other day I started crying while talking to a collegue...

Why do you think your job is good?

Provided you have some job alternatives: what's is this job giving you that you wont be able to get in some other job?

What keeps you working there?

I think job is good as what my parents would consider a good job.. :(

Do you believe your parents are going to think the same if they get to know that this job is getting you ill?

Even if you quit your job or not, you will have to find a solution to your situation, because if you don´t, you are risking getting really really ill.

I talked to them about this, they were like : "well how will you earn money?"

I feel like it has never been about me, but about my achievements. This has fucked up my sense of self.

A lot of comments are focusing on the burnout aspect, but I think you should pay careful attention during the workday to see if there is anything (or any person) that is triggering your anxious feelings. You may subconsciously be picking up on some people's behavior that you know is off and amplifying that (for good reason). Your anxiety may be a survival instinct rather than a result of exhaustion so please keep that in mind.

I perceive everything like I'm being thrown away from the group. Often feel out of it. Especially when I'm tired and I don't like the job.

I think you're burned out and the personal stuff in your life is taking more of a toll than you think. I think you need to take some time off work, i.e. "mental health/self-care" days. Take at least one day off to just do nothing and chill out. You can use the other days to take care of your personal stuff. Take as much time as you need.

Also, if you're gonna quit your job, this is probably one of the safest times to do it.

Thanks <3

I too have been struggling with this a lot recently. I get myself into a state of high panic/stress, seemingly over nothing, and find it very difficult to get back down.

It doesn't interrupt my sleep all that much but it completely ruins my waking hours. I have to be very mindful not to let those thoughts creep into my head but sometimes I loose the battle.

Stay strong and don't give up!

Same. Dark thoughts about me. Comparing myself etc. Especially if I work alone in the big project. Something about being stuck that recalls my childhood trauma.. (not sure if true or me making the link because of depressed. The trauma is true just I'm not sure the link is real)

How do you deal? How old are you?

Recently left a job because it was not aligning with my values. Have to rely on freelance projects for a while.

This is not a professional advice, but IMO if the job doesn't match your values, you feel depressed thinking about, and aren't in position to change anything - better walk away while you are sane enough to take the decision.

Best of luck with your future endeavors.

Thank you. Do you work remotely?

Can you start with taking some time off to get your bearings, even if you need to take some unpaid?

And not sure if it’d help with your level of anxiety, but a few of my colleagues have told me CBD helps them relax without clouding their mind.

I ordered some actually :) will try and tell you

Work with friends or whatever to find a new position before you end the one you have.

Unemployment is very depressing. Avoid it. One week or two is okay.

There's always the possibility to find work on upwork etc to do freelance stuff.

See if you can find a friend or companion to go on vacation with you for at least 8 days. No laptop and no cellphone if possible.

Do you enjoy your job? Could you find another one that would be more fulfilling/less stressful?

I don't enjoy it no. But I get to get bored easily with every job I have.

If you found a less stressful job, wouldn't that be worth it?

I'm not even sure.. at the moment I'm lost. :)

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