1.) Keep the story about burning out under a toxic/micromanaging boss to yourself. I cannot stress this enough. Interviewing clients is about 50% selecting the best candidate and 50% covering your own ass. Even if your side is 100% true, it still raises too many red flags to even consider taking a chance on you.
2.) Do you have any side projects that are (even tangentially) related to the hospitality work you've been doing? If not, can you start one?
3.) Don't hide from your hospitality work. Instead, over the last four years on resort, you've likely picked up some great stories and learned some things you never would have learned had you gone right into a coding gig. Hell, I think that most good managers would see that hospitality background as a pretty good point in your favour.
As for networking, in theory yes, networking at events works. In practice, it's very slow, time consuming and frustrating. Cold emails to CEO/CTO types at startups you genuinely like is a better way, particularly if you'll be in {{tech hub}} on {{dates}} and would like to buy her a coffee.