Who really does understand how a SQL engine work? Don't you usually require to understand how something work before starting using it? Which SQL analyst or DB architect really knows about the internals of a SQL engine? Do they know about basic data structures? Advanced data structures? Backtracking?
That's why I tend to avoid systematically using a SQL engine unless the data schema is very very simple, and manage and filter the data case by case in code. SQL is good for archiving and storing data, and work as an intermediary, but I don't think it should drive how a software works. Databases can be very complex, and unfortunately, since developers like to make things complicated, it becomes hairy.
I think SQL was designed when RAM was scarce and expensive, so to speed up data access, it has to be properly indexed with a database engine. I really wonder who, today, have data that cannot fit in RAM, apart from big actors.
I tend to advocate for simple designs and avoid complexity as most as I can, so I might biased, but many languages already offers things like sets, maps, multimaps, etc. Tailoring data structures might yield good results too.
Databases still scare me.