You missed one more option: "we can discuss a problem without involving emotions or clinging to our opinions too much".
After all, you are marrying real independent person not a clone.
Also, it is true that when you dont involve emotions in relationship, problem solving is easier. However, that situation describes more work relationship then lifetime partner relationship. We are supposed to be emotionally invested in the whole marriage thing.
On the contrary, it's more important to be able to reconsider your strong opinions.
> It is harder to move away from what you consider right in ethical sense
Why marry if your ethics are different?
> what is important for your self respect
Unless it's an abusive relationship, I can't imagine a situation where the self respect can be involved. Usually it's just the ego whining about getting what it wants and disguising it as "self respect".
> We are supposed to be emotionally invested in the whole marriage thing.
There's a wide spectrum of emotions but most of them aren't required in a relationship. As the OP's article says, focus on kindness and appreciation.
Is this meant to be demostration or rational kind non-emotional solution to dis agreement? Because on the face of it, you simply tried to insult fictional partner. Sure, partner is less likely to argue if you label his demands this way. It won't actually solve the problem however and over time he will figure out what you are doing.
It won't lead to appreciation through, more like resentment and anger.
> There's a wide spectrum of emotions but most of them aren't required in a relationship. As the OP's article says, focus on kindness and appreciation.
You partner will not appreciate if you ignore his negative emotions. Or mock them as above. For one, it is not kind. For the other, he or she will have to look for support elsewhere.
You can have illusion of kindness if you mock partner for not being perfect match to you or if you split first time serious real disagreement happen. Or if you never marry because by the time you know everything about partner to be absolutely certain you two agree about everything including situations you have never been through, you two about to retire.
The problems you're describing do not arise at all when both partners keep their egos in bay and strive for kindness.
If you're with someone you trust, you inherently respect his/her POV. For some, this causes disagreements to boil into violent outrages. They feel an attack on that trust. For others, they take a step back and say, 'This is someone I trust with my life. Either he/she or I am missing something somewhere.'
How exactly do you have no emotions in a marriage disagreement? Most arguments are about emotions. No one argues about things they aren’t emotional about (unless it’s a proxy argument for something they are emotional about).
And you cannot divorce emotions completely from the things that cause them. This is absurd, and akin to saying that someone with a phobia should just rationally analyze it and the problem will go away.